My mom has been in a memory care for 5 weeks. I have cleaned her dentures because no one has done it. Even though I've asked more than once. I changed her depends today and her clothes because they leave her in the same clothes for days. I had to change her sheets after they were left on for two weeks. She eats in her bed and get food everywhere.
I am trying to discern if this place is bad or if every place is like this.
I guess this WAS a gag question, after all, and I wish I had been smart enough to look for the date on it.
Sadly, tho I am getting better at that, I have a way to go.
Most of call - Document, Document, Document. Write everything down you are witnessing, take photos and video showing how dirty her pull ups, sheets, etc. are. I'm not a lawyer, but to me this definitely neglect and probably elder abuse. If you don't get immediate improvement, I would contact an attorney.
A while ago, someone told me "Make demands known and escalate quickly." I have learned to live by this mantra taking care of my LO.
I hope you have success if getting help for your mom but there are some places that just won't improve until they are afraid of being exposed and affecting their bottom line ($$$).
A BABY left in a diaper for more than few hours (like overnight) is miserable and they'll start having skin breakdown pretty quickly (of course I am remembering that I used cloth diapers--they weren't too forgiving)--BUT
A person should be changed regularly! And oral hygiene is also crucial to overall health, whether it be clean dentures or teeth.
I'd do a deep dive on this place and start looking for alternatives.
Every place is NOT like this!
oops. I already responded to this link---but I feel the same!
I would suggest requesting a visit and examination by an ombudsman.
The Depends not being changed is the most concerning.
To me it sounds like a bad place because the problem starts with lazy management and works downward. Personally, I would consider changing facilities (visit them and talk to family members of residents who are visiting first for their take on things). But I know that is easier said than done.
So if that is not possible demand to speak to the director in charge immediately. Request a meeting through email, document the issues point by point--document everything with email. Tell them regretfully you need to file a complaint. At least in my cases filing a written complaint made them move a lot faster.
I cut my mother's facility a lot of slack but when things affected er well-being I documented things clearly by email. Verbal is not enough. Document everything. I also note in my email that regretfully if the situation continues I will file a complaint with the state.
I don't freak out or get mean--but I treat them like a business which they are. And if they are not responsive you need to go to the top.
You do not need to be open minded, you need to be proactive and honestly? loud and in charge.
Would you want to lie in bed in a wet depends (after 4 days, it would be disintegrating!!) Dirty sheets--ugh.
As with anything else that provides services, there are places that are 'amazing' and there's places that are virtual hell-holes.
Mom deserves MUCH better.
Come prepared; do not be accusatory but inquisitive, i.e., "I have noticed that my mother's incontinence briefs are not being changed. Neither is she receiving any oral care. (consult your little notebook and tell them the dates you noted this). Can you share with me why this situation is happening and what your plan is to correct it?".
Write down what they say. Ask for the date of a follow-up from both the DON and the SW to communicate the corrective action.
It IS possible that your mother is refusing this care. But if that's the case, ask them what THEIR PLAN is to deal with her refusal, since leaving her in wet Depends and with no oral care will inevitably lead to illness. They need to have a plan, techniques, feedback from staff. Not just "she says "no".
Sometimes it's as simple as say "Mrs. S, now it's time to get freshened up" as opposed to "would you like me to change your diaper?".
Please find a better place to put your mom in as she deserves to live out her final days being well taken care of and living in/with some sort of dignity.
Then once she's out of there, by all means report this facility to the proper authorities.
Have you spoken directly with the staff who handle your mom’s care or did you speak with their supervisor and tell them that these things are not being taken care of?