My mother is in an assisted living facility. She has dementia and hates the place. She tells me every time I visit her that the staff is mean and make her do things. Recently, I asked her to tell me what "they" make her do. Just then an aide opened her room door a little and gruffly said, "It's time to get to bed. Get your pajamas on!" The aide did not see me. When Mom did not answer, the aide opened the door more and saw me. She hurried to say, "What I meant was that I can help you get ready for bed now. If that is what you want?" We both told her that later would be better. After the aide closed the door and walked away. My mother whispered, "That is what I go through every night." It was 7:45 PM. Mom explained that they make her be in bed by 8:30 PM.
This bothered me. So, I went to talk to the aide. I asked her if residents could stay up to 10 PM? She said, "Oh, no! Everyone is in bed by 8:30." I asked her why? She said, "Well after the patients have their pills, they are tired." I told her that no one should be making my Mother do anything. She is able to understand and comply with rules if they are reasonable and explained to her. But, why is it reasonable to force everyone to go to bed at the same time? Not everyone needs the same amount of sleep.
My mother has always watched the 11PM news before going to bed. Now she does not dare to do that. Should I feel that my mother's rights are being violated? Is a set bedtime the norm at assisted living facilities? Should I be suspicious of the "pills" the patients get before bedtime? I never approved a sleeping pill for her. It is not on her medication list. What rights does my mother have as a resident in an assisted living facility?
Yes, I would question with the RN why Mom is getting a pill before bedtime. There has to be a prescription from a doctor for it. If you find it is a sleeping pill and she has never had one before, I would question it. I would also bring up the incident with the Administrator. Your Mom does have the right to get up when she wants, eat when she wants, and sleep when she wants. Yes there are meal times but she doesn't have to go. Just not sure if they have to feed her at any other time. She has the right to have her meals brought to her. My Mom had a kitchenette with a small fridge and microwave so she could cook if she wanted.
If you get no satisfaction, I would start looking for another AL.
By the way, a CNA cannot dispense medication unless they have training to be a Medtech. Otherwise an LPN or RN gives meds. If u find that a CNA is giving these pills, I would report it to the state.
With dementia, lots of residents tend to sundown and worsen at night.....they wander and roam the halls, knocking on other residents doors and things like that. The caregivers do try to get the residents into their rooms by a certain time to minimize the chaos. But your mom has rights, of course, and shouldn't be prevented from staying up as late as she'd like....even if the tv is loud. They're ALL loud!! Lol
Anyway, make sure you have regular care conferences with the staff and admin so you can express your concerns and get questions answered. You can call the nurse or the Exec Director any time, as I do, to chat or to ask for changes or whatever you'd like. Make your wishes known.......its always a good thing to do. Get a list of her meds, too, and be sure to ask for updates and calls from the doctor after a visit. That helps a lot.
The other thing to do is to fact check what mom tells you. With dementia, they tend to have LOTS of stories to share, many of which are fabricated. I've listened to my mother tell me about her friends boyfriend who comes to visit naked......I used to get my stomach in a knot before I realized the need to sort the bull from the crap. Obviously, there is truth being told also.....you just have to figure out when! 🤣
Best of luck
Work with the SW and DON on getting the staff retrained. If they don't please contact the ombudsman.
If the aides are ignoring your mom's wishes to stay up for the news, they may indeed be doing other things your mother experiences as 'mean.'
Unless she is in a shared room I can't see any reason that she can't watch the news or do whatever else she wants in her pj's, how exactly are they enforcing the 8:30 bedtime?
As medical proxy/POA you should have complete access to her medication charts and they can not give her anything not on the list, did she not take any medications prior to living in AL? Might these not just be her usual medications?
The only reason I can think of for this early bedtime is to give the staff time-off of their duties to the residents.
AND, you heard her - she wasn't respectful of your mother. Speak to someone in authority and threaten legal actions if your mother isn't apologized to immediately!
Elder attorney time.
I can certainly understand that no one be in communal areas (TV room, Dining-game room) after a certain hour and that is the case where my bro is. A loud TV for a hard of hearing person would disturb the person whose room is outside the TV-Living Room, and loud game playing and raised voices would be hard for those outside the dining-game room. But as to telling a resident in her own room what time she must be in bed, seems a major no no to me. It may be a need in memory care, but cannot imagine it in Assisted Living. Don't know what the choices are but may be a good time to discuss with the supervisoral staff, and look at other facilities if they exist in your area.
There is also a way to approach people, and her approach was NOT good. And she got caught. The approach should be "I go off shift in another hour, Mrs. Breck; would you like help getting ready for bed, or into your night clothes, or can you do that on your own when ready.
ANY good place should have a plan of care. For instance my bro resents people entering without knocking; that is on his care plan. He also wants to be in his room when it is cleaned. That is on his care plan. For your Mom the care plan should say "Enjoys watching the 11 p.m. news and is not ready to get ready for bed until it is over. "
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