Hello everyone, I had honestly forgotten how great everyone has been to me on this forum . It's feel wonderful just to hear in a sense "I understand" . I've often felt so completely alone on this journey. The good news is that my mom is doing great, she's become stronger and stronger to the point that she is even moving around through the house without the use of her walker at times. She is not and cannot ever live alone again though, she thinks that could happen but I've had to shut that dream down. I'm really happy, she's no longer hard to take care of Physically. She's had a few stumbles but no more falls in several months now. We also got her back to the doctors and had some tests done. Her kidneys have gotten a little stronger she is by no means out of the woods and it would not take much to send her back downhill toward dialysis. The cyst she had which classified her as terminal has resolved itself so she is no longer "terminal" in that sense.
Me however not so much, I've been trying to handle everything myself emotionally and I've fallen down figuratively getting worse over the last 6-7 weeks. I entered September seemingly on the wrong path. I have begun having some issues with my BP over the last 6 weeks and ended up in the emergency room on Aug. 31 with a mild stroke. Threw me for a loop real quick, never in a million years would I have thought I would have a stroke. I was in the hospital for 3 days and 2 nights. When they sent me home they all but guaranteed me it would happen again unless I make some changes starting with lowering my stress level. I asked my mom to go to a nursing home, she clammed up and never said a word. I tried explaining to her how much I worry about her and how's she going to be taken care of with my health getting bad. Again no response. A couple days later I began feeling unwell again, developed a sinus infection , then a chest cold. I though I had a simple head and chest cold, perhaps bronchitis but not that was not the case. On Sept. 7 I was back in the ER with pneumonia. Once again, 3 days and 2 nights in the hospital. Again I tried to talk to mom about going to a nursing home, told her I was willing to let it be temporary until I can get my health under control. Explained that testing while in the hospital pointed to other potential severe problems; my carotid arteries in my neck are narrowing and a blood test shows a strong possibility of blood clots in my body. My A1C is still over nine so I am potentially a walking time bomb and need to make some changes without too much waiting. I sure can't take care of mom if that second stroke comes and it's a big one that may just end my life. I tried explaining all this to my mom as gently as I can but she either can't or won't process it . Her case manager is working on getting her into the specialist to get her evaluated for dementia but nothing yet. If we get that definitive diagnosis I could potentially force her into a nursing home. I don't want to do that but I feel like that is what she's going to force me to do. Do you think this is something the entire family is going to have to talk to her about? I did think about doing that but I don't want to "gang up" on her. P.S my husband thinks it unnecessary for her to go to a nursing home. he does not understand how emotionally draining it is on me nor how stressful dealing with the silent treatment tantrums and constant judgement of what I'm doing, what and how I'm cooking food. Nothing is ever right. She acknowledges that I have done everything for her but complains about all of it. She says that "we need to do something" but cannot seem to connect the dots as to what we need to do.
Either be honest and say these are now scheduled events as per dr orders to help your blood pressure, or if you get push back- lie and say it is another dr appt or blood work appt.
But just get out of the house alone for an hour every day or every other. Then husband can enjoy taking care of mom if she is so easy in his eyes. (Men arent emotionally invested so for him she doesnt stress him out)