My instincts tell me it is very wrong indeed; that it is unfair to other patrons, and also unfair to the restaurant staff. The problem is that my mother does not always vomit after eating, so she strongly feels it is her right to attempt an incident-free restaurant experience. However, I would say the vomiting episodes occur about 50% of the time now, and I feel that's just too often to risk upsetting other patrons. I am conflicted, because my mother feels eating out is her main joy in life, and yet I strongly feel that people outside of our family should not bear the responsibility of having to witness her vomiting episodes while they are paying to enjoy a fine meal. I put myself in other patrons shoes: If I were dining out, and another patron began to vomit, I would feel emotionally (and most likely physically) disturbed. I would most likely not be able to finish the rest of my meal. I find it difficult to finish my own meal when my mother is vomiting. When I raise these issues with my mother, she screams at me that she has as much right as any patron who suffers from a disability to enjoy a fine meal out. For me, vomiting in a restaurant just crosses the line in terms of what is "PC". I am also super stressed from having to clean her up in front of strangers when these vomiting episodes occur. I'm a private, somewhat shy person, and taking center stage during these episodes actually makes my stomach hurt. I am torn between trying to give her the best quality of life possible while not taking the same quality of life away from other diners and myself. Any feedback on this situation would be greatly appreciated.
You can't change anyone else's behavior, but you can change your own. You don't want to see anyone throwing up at a restaurant. I don't either. Don't be a party to it.
Keep in mind that body fluids are a bio-hazard. It does not matter if Mum is vomiting due to a digestion issue or virus, it is unconscionable to expose other patrons and restaurant staff to this activity.
It is a sing that Mum is losing her grip on reality that she thinks it is ok. There are a great many behaviours that are not ok in public.
~Absolutely NO more eating out in restaurants
~Get some therapy for yourself right away to help you figure out a blueprint on how to go about backing OUT of this nightmare of care giving you're involved in.
~Get mother placed into a Skilled Nursing Facility where others are paid to deal with this level of Toxicity.
For some reason, many children of mothers like this think it's our 'duty' to put up with WHATEVER level of insanity that's thrown at us. It's not okay. It's not normal. It's not something that we have to 'pull on our big girl panties and suck up.'
What it IS is something we have to figure out how to DETACH from and REMOVE ourselves from. And how to let others handle instead. Because OUR lives are on the line here. These women are old and infirm. They've lived their lives. We, on the other hand, have husbands and jobs and children, etc., that require our attention. If we devote 100% of our attention to the Energy Vampires, that leaves 0% left over for OUR lives.
See where I'm going with this?
Please please please sign up with a therapist immediately to help you figure this whole mess out. We can only advise you..........sending you many hugs and prayers for strength.
to that I say that if you didn’t, it would be a death sentence for you.
xoxoxo
susan
You can pick up food. She can eat at home. You can take her out to other places that doesn’t require eating as an outing, such as a visit to a park, museum, movie, the mall, etc.
I feel the same way when people here mention they bring their elders to restaurants, knowing they will have a diarrhea or poop mess. What about the smell, much less possible leakage?
She would refer to it as, “tightness of the stool!” I am cracking up laughing right now, just remembering it but when it happened I wanted to crawl under the table! She did this in fine dining restaurants in uptown New Orleans. She was nuts! Oh gosh, the stuff that came out of her mouth was insane.
Her comments about other people too. I was afraid of being killed as the innocent bystander that happened to be with her. She was totally out of the box crazy!
My godmother was the same. She would ask someone as they came out of the bathroom, “Did everything come out okay?” LOL 😂