Every day a new medical problem from my Mom. Is she looking for attention?
my Mom is 82 yrs old with Alzheimers. Every day, or every other day she complains of some kind of medical problem; her arm, her elbow, her front teeth, her knee, her toes, a rash under each boob, etc....believe me, I have addressed each and every medical problem Mom has. I take her to all of her dr appts routinely, I take care of any problem that is fixable and help her manage the ones we cannot fix...I have become her and my Dad's caregiver for the last 3 yrs but now since there is nothing else 'fixable' she continues to look for something. She will not help herself, and she is still capable of that , or my Dad or I will help her with what she cannot. But she continues this onslaught of 'exaggerated medical problems' that are almost nonexistant !!! Mom does not try to help herself (which she didn't even do before the Alzheimers set in), so I know it's mostly her. The other part is I'm sure she is doing it for attention only she doesn't see it as an exaggerated kind of attention, just that something 'bothers' her focuses on it and makes more out of it than needs to. We all tell her we love her daily, even though there's days when it's a little more challenging !!! lol...I take her plenty of places I know she likes, but she just doesn't understand (partly Alzheimers I guess) that it takes alot of time away from things that ARE important or something else I need to do in another direction. I've tried explaining this to her, and she has worn out my Dad so that he just 'gives in' to her...I have tried explaining to him also that the more sympathy Mom gets, the more she'll continue this kind of behavior. Mom always did like going to drs, medical tests, medications, I know it's for the attention but really, there are just too many and too often that this happens. What to do??? Mom doesn't understand nor will she change anymore, I just had to vent it out I guess. Is really frustrating for me today because I am in the middle of doing taxes for a new business venture my husband and I are doing and her timing is really bad. For the last week, she has had a new 'problem' every dI have been the 'bad guy' and been firm with her when she does this but she still continues it. I am just frustrated today. If it was a serious problem I would address it right away but it isn't . Mom and even Dad focus on every little twitch and tingle ; they always have done this so I know it won't change. I have offered to take them to attend senior groups to play cards with, talk, watch movies or whatever but my Dad has said 'absolutely not !!!'... I still maintain my boundaries so I can live my life (and MY family) otherwise my life would be completely consumed with them. My Dad is also very selfish but he understands a little more, not much , but is a little better. My brother also takes them places so I know they get out quite a bit. Don't know anymore what to do. But, if anyone has any suggestions I would appreciate it. Thanks, and thanks for reading it ....I feel a little better :)
I suggest that you also stop trying to explain things to your mother. She has dementia. Reasoning with her is not a reasonable thing to do. Do what you want to/have to do, but don't expect her to "get it" and to learn from it. Children do learn from their experiences. If you never give them cookies for a cookie tantrum, they will (eventually) learn that doesn't work and stop trying to bully you that way. The same is NOT true for someone with dementia. They will try again and again and again doing something that doesn't work for them. "Tough love" does not apply to someone with dementia.
If Mom and Dad have always focused on every twitch and tingle, then their behavior now is not surprising, but it is hard on you. You'll read a lot of posts on here from caregivers who can't get their parents in to see a doctor no matter what! Parenting our parents is difficult no matter what their personalities are like.
It sounds like you are doing well.