My mom's memory has been in decline the past several years. She did notice some money missing from her financial accounts a year ago but didnt realize how much and how long is it has been happening. After I researched her reritement accounts, I found out she has been exploited and money has been stolen, even embezzled, from her accounts for over a decade in amounts over $400k easily. My brother, who has been living with her and caring for her, has been manipulating and financially exploiting her. Being elderly with some cognitive decline, she barely understood what charges were on her credit cards (probably statements were hidden from her) and didn't even notice thousands of dollars being taken from her account daily.
I found out my brother is using her credit card to pay some gambling or game addiction online. He has been insanely maxing out her $15,000-$20,000 credit cards monthly and then using my mom's bank account to pay some or most her credit cards off at the same time. For starters, I closed all her bank and credit cards and we working with an estate planning attorney. Also, my mom doesn't want to press charges on my brother, so any involvement with authorities is out of the question.
My brother is a nice person on the outside and helps out my mom but has been a liar and financially exploitive. I have a feelingthat he thinks he is entitled to do this because he is caring for her but I think he has no right to anything now. I also think he might have some kind of borderline personality disorder to be so manipulative, lying and stealing.. So it has been hard for my mom to accept that he is doing this to her. She still gives him money even after she found out he did this to her because she thinks he doesn't have any money. So she does it out of the kindness of her heart. She hasnt been diagnosed with dementia or alzheimers but just has some cognitive decline. Even though she understands the amounts he has stolen, she thinks he doesn't have any money even after stealing from her accounts. He essentially should have money but most likely blew his money and almost all her money on his addiction.
I was wondering if there is a certain specialist we can talk to help her understand and not keep enabling him to be an addict that can still exploit her? Thanks in advance.
If she does have a PoA (maybe it's you?) then you will now need to read the PoA document to find out what activates your full authority. It's usually 1 medical diagnosis of sufficient impairment. Get his diagnosis on the clinic's letterhead with the doctor's signature. Then the PoA power is legally active.
The PoA now needs to "fire" your brother as the caregiver because he is the fox in charge of the chicken coop. No to that. No way. Especially since your brother isn't going to be prosecuted by your Mom, but the PoA may be able to do this in her stead (which would be outlined in the PoA doc).
If he lives in her house, he needs to be evicted if he won't go on his own. Even so much as a restraining order to keep him away from manipulating her. Your Mom now cannot have any access to her funds until things are firmly and securely under control.
His addiction is his problem to work out. His entitlement is also in his own mind. He shot himself in the foot, do not feel sorry for him. He needs professional help. Make sure all other of your Mom's valuables are locked away. Put a credit freeze on her accounts. Make sure the bank knows what's been going on. Don't take out any more credit cards in her name.
Your Mom has dementia. There is *nothing* that's going to enable her to say "no" to her son. This is why he needs to be kept away from communicating with her. The way you stop enabling him is to have him experience the full consequences of his choices: he loses his family, home and source of money. He will recover on his feet but he'll desperately try to manipulate everyone else while on his way down as addicts usually do. Stay away from him until he can prove he's recovered but don't trust him around anyone's money ever again.
or
You make a call to an Elder Care Attorney and begin the process of getting Guardianship.
and
A call to the police to report the financial abuse.
Your mom has dementia, diagnosed or not mild or maybe moderate so you are not likely going to get her to "understand" that your brother has to be stopped, that what he is doing is not legal.
NICE PEOPLE do not rob their relatives blind.
Clearly your mother's "cognitive decline" is putting her financial future in grave danger. I am thankful you are seeing an attorney. It is time to protect what finances she has remaining. If you do not report this theft then this looks like gifting and your mother will not, when she has given her money away to this "nice man" be able to get governmental help for care.