She will be living with my sister. My sister works full time at a very demanding job and cannot afford to quit. When she gets home, she has more job-related work to do, and then must be able to unwind. My mother is a very demanding, harsh woman, and can do very, very little on her own. She has had constant falls, and has been in and out of physical therapy facilities more than she has been in her ALFS (2 ALFs since August 2018) Logistically, the other problem is that my sister is handicapped herself--she has a severe back injury and cannot physically assist Mom. Even if my sister were not injured, Mom complains constantly and berates people unless she is waited on instantly. Right now Mom is in an ALF and it appears they cannot properly meet her needs, so my sister's plan is to get in home care asap. I am just extremely worried that if we cannot get something around the clock, my sister will not be able to get her work done, or rest and rejuvenate in order to keep on getting up in the morning and going to work. I live 2 hours away and go out to see Mom as often as I can, and I will be working soon, out of financial necessity and in order to pay for medical care for the conditions I personally have. My sister and I are both in our 60s and due to our physical handicaps and need to work we cannot be caregivers. I believe Medicaid and related Medicaid waiver programs pay for round the clock care, and we have had so much trouble finding out how it works, even after using an attorney who gladly took our money and then ended up not helping at all with the dilemma we are in. Apparently, there is a 5-year "look back" period. I guess that means that after every last penny of Mom's money is spent on in home care, she'd have to wait 5 years to get in home care? What would we do then, once the well has run dry? She also has VA Health care, and from the agents I have spoken to, she can't get anything from them yet. I've spoken to agents from Elderly Affairs reps. but no one has been able to give us anything solid--besides referring us to ANOTHER attorney to help us figure out how to get medicaid eligibility--and I guess the first thing they ask for is $10,000!! So we are completely lost, and really afraid of what will happen to Mom if she outlives all of her savings!
Call the local Area agency on Aging and get a "needs assessment done. Or ask the AL social worker if she can explain what mom needs, if not AL.
Home care is not the answer here. Geriatric psychiatry might be a way to get her to be a little less agitated and harsh.
I think you are misunderstanding the 5 year look back. It doesn’t mean your mom has to wait 5 years after her money is gone before she can get Medicaid. The 5 year lookback means that when your mom applies for Medicaid, Medicaid is going to look back 5 years in to her finances, they are going to look at all her income, her money, her assets that she had during that time and see where it went, how it was spent. If it all went to her livings expenses and health care, she will get Medicaid right Away. But if she gifted large amounts, for example if she sold her home and gave each of her children $50,000, Medicaid is going to deny her and there will be a penalty period of several years before she can get Medicaid. Basically as long as your mom hasn’t given Away tens of thousands of dollars in the last 5 years, or given away any real estate, she should be able to go on Medicaid.
you and your sister need to toughen up and keep your mom in AL. Guess what? She’s going to act out in your sisters home and she’s going to keep falling. Keep her where she is. Neither of you is physically able to care for her. Again no entity is going to provide your mom with round the clock home care. Bring her home and your disabled sister will be providing hands on care and that is wrong. Just wrong. It’s best for all of you if your mom stays in a facility with a team of qualified physically able-bodied people taking care of her
Mom is no longer to be the little dictator over this small country of hers. She can “harsh” all she wants, but she’s there and she will stay there. You are grown women with lives and responsibilities of your own. Make sure she’s safe and taken care of and if she isn’t happy, she’s free to make her own arrangements.