Hello, please know I feel like a fool. So, my grandparents have always helped me with money when needed. No illegal activity or drugs, just married young with kids and broke. Anytime I asked for help they gladly did it. Honestly, if they hadn’t, I would have stopped asking. We were very close. They got me a car when I needed it, very fortunate to be able to help. I am POA, signed all the stuff. I think I will be executor when the time comes. They have everything in an estate that I do not manage (that has more than enough for them to live comfortably) except a checking account for anything needed. I am an owner also on the account. Long ago I started writing checks to myself when needed-and agreed on, they knew! They also help pay for my kids school. So one has passed and one has dementia. I do the same as I always have, if I need help with bills I write a check. Saw something on TV about embezzlement and decided to google it. Am I committing embezzlement? I feel like a total idiot and I am terrified. I never ever would pay for anything I thought they would say no to. Do I need a lawyer? Please any advice appreciated please know I feel absolutely horrible.
Are you telling us there is some question in your mind about that?
She is so sharp that she asked me if I’d make a spreadsheet of all my monthly expenses and asked for a grand total to help me with the house. Can you imagine? A 100 yr. old wanting a spreadsheet, but, her deceased husband made them all the time. I couldn’t do it. But, I will take some money here and there. I know a lot about Medicaid lookback, etc. as we have an elderlaw attorney. We were advised to open up a Disabled Child account for her to “gift” money. That is Medicaid exempt. I questioned it over and over, but, attorneys for the bank that reviewed the application said it’s done all the time. It’s unusual because of the gifter is the older person and the recipient is her 76 year old son! Usually, people are in the opposite situation. Two of his doctor specialists must write certified letters to the bank and the attorney must write a letter stating the “child” (age isn’t a factor - he’s her son no matter what) is 100% disabled. He is terminal now and has very little time. MIL is hoping I take something now before I go broke. I pay over $16,00/month for his care. I doubt she’ll need Medicaid as she has 7 figures, but, life is strange and you never know…….. so far, she’s lost all her adult children and husband.
Sorry I went on and on, but, there are so many individual situations that require explanation before someone is labeled a thief, evil, embezzler, etc. I know when my own parents were alive my mother (no dementia) gave me her checkbook and said “help yourself because I don’t need all that money!” I wanted to go shopping with a friend and she gave me a check for $10,000 and said “have fun”! My dad was even more generous. I guess I was blessed, but, not with my wonderful husband’s illness. I’d give it all back to have him and his brain normal again.
I don’t think Boucheran should be made to feel like a criminal when she was offered help all her life. She feels weird about it now because her family dynamic has changed with a death and dementia so give her some credit. That’s why she asked the question.
You should return the money you have been taking from the remaining grandparent with dementia .
If this grandparent needs Medicaid within 5 years of the last time you gifted yourself , you could potentially be in trouble with the law . As well as your grandparent would be denied Medicaid .
I don’t understand why you thought it was morally ok to continue to write yourself checks when the grandparent with dementia is no longer competent .
You rationalize it by saying they always had enough to live on and they’ve always agreed to it before and now only feel bad when you find out you are embezzling .
Your grandparents are not your atm.
If she’s the actual poa why doesn’t she know about this estate that apparently is taking care of the demented grandma?
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