Are you sure you want to exit? Your progress will be lost.
Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
✔
I acknowledge and authorize
✔
I consent to the collection of my consumer health data.*
✔
I consent to the sharing of my consumer health data with qualified home care agencies.*
*If I am consenting on behalf of someone else, I have the proper authorization to do so. By clicking Get My Results, you agree to our Privacy Policy. You also consent to receive calls and texts, which may be autodialed, from us and our customer communities. Your consent is not a condition to using our service. Please visit our Terms of Use. for information about our privacy practices.
Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
Share a few details and we will match you to trusted home care in your area:
Your question has pushed one of my buttons, it seems to be the current thing to put a label on everything.
If he is acting out of fear, need, confusion - not abuse. Not pleasant and you don't have to continue to put yourself in a position to put up with it, but it's par for the course for front line healthcare workers, paid or otherwise.
If he's knowingly acting in a way to demean, belittle and cause physical or mental pain - it's abuse. If he truly does need you in the middle of the night for a real or imagined need and you refuse to go to him or assist that could be abuse on your part.
Whether he's AWARE of it or not is not the point. You are being bullied and abused, verbally.
Maybe he hasn't been dxed as having dementia, but he doesn't sound like he's running on all cylinders.
Was he like this when you were all younger?
People tend to look at verbal abuse as being kind of benign--but a nasty word or being belittled and yelled at leaves emotional bruises which can be just as bad, or worse than physical abuse.
You say in your profile you are caring for your father. How old is he? What condition does he have that requires your care, as you say he is mentally competent? Does he drink or do drugs? How old are you? I think it may be time to get out on your own. If your Dad isn't able to survive physically without your help he may need to go into care. More information might help us have more ideas for you.
Was he "abusive" before he lived with you? If not this very well could be signs of dementia. You say that he's had a stroke. Once someone has had a stroke their chances of developing dementia, increases significantly. I would take him to his neurologist to be checked for that, and then if it gets to just be too much for you to handle, you can then start looking for the appropriate facility to place him in, or you can hire some full time help to come in and assist, with his money of course. You always have options, so make sure you're taking advantage of them. Best wishes.
More information please. Why are you living with him, and who owns or rents the home? Why are you putting up with this? Is his behavior an extension of how he as always been, or is it new? And yes, please explain exactly what help he genuinely needs!
Your profile says you're caring for your father Malcolm, who is 79 years old, living at home with anxiety, incontinence, mobility problems, sleep disorder, and stroke. You say he "has no dementia" yet he's had a stroke, which can certainly bring dementia with it as an after effect. Has he been tested specifically for dementia and/or Alzheimer's?
That said, the behavior you're being subjected to of course can be considered abusive. Any time a loved one is screaming and cursing at you, that constitutes emotional abuse. What is it he wants from you all night long? Are you not supposed to sleep yourself?? 😮
What exactly is your dad's diagnosis that's causing such disruptive and agitated behavior? This is certainly no way for either one of you to live, so it sounds like a chat with his doctor is in order. A referral to a neurologist may also be in order along with a brain MRI so you can try to get to the root of whats going on post stroke. My mother had a stroke and her dementia took quite a nosedive afterward, which is common.
Wishing you the best of luck with a difficult situation
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
If he is acting out of fear, need, confusion - not abuse. Not pleasant and you don't have to continue to put yourself in a position to put up with it, but it's par for the course for front line healthcare workers, paid or otherwise.
If he's knowingly acting in a way to demean, belittle and cause physical or mental pain - it's abuse.
If he truly does need you in the middle of the night for a real or imagined need and you refuse to go to him or assist that could be abuse on your part.
It's time to look at other options for his care.
Whether he's AWARE of it or not is not the point. You are being bullied and abused, verbally.
Maybe he hasn't been dxed as having dementia, but he doesn't sound like he's running on all cylinders.
Was he like this when you were all younger?
People tend to look at verbal abuse as being kind of benign--but a nasty word or being belittled and yelled at leaves emotional bruises which can be just as bad, or worse than physical abuse.
I think it may be time to get out on your own. If your Dad isn't able to survive physically without your help he may need to go into care.
More information might help us have more ideas for you.
That said, the behavior you're being subjected to of course can be considered abusive. Any time a loved one is screaming and cursing at you, that constitutes emotional abuse. What is it he wants from you all night long? Are you not supposed to sleep yourself?? 😮
What exactly is your dad's diagnosis that's causing such disruptive and agitated behavior? This is certainly no way for either one of you to live, so it sounds like a chat with his doctor is in order. A referral to a neurologist may also be in order along with a brain MRI so you can try to get to the root of whats going on post stroke. My mother had a stroke and her dementia took quite a nosedive afterward, which is common.
Wishing you the best of luck with a difficult situation