It's time for my 76 year old husband to go to a group home for his care. I am no longer able to care for him - in a safe manner - at home. He was diagnosed with Parkinson's disease in 2002, dementia in 2014 and clinically blind in 2017. It has been challenging for both of us. Over the years, we've done the best we could. I looked at both group homes and larger facilities and determined along with both of his doctors (PCP and neurologist) that a group home would be best for his wants and needs. After much discussion, he has agreed to move to a group home (he has fought it every step of the way). He said I've worn him down and has agreed to the transition. We both looked at the group home with the owner, viewed the room and interacted a bit with the caregivers. He has agreed that this is the home he will move to. A room will become available August 1st and it's time to give a deposit to hold the room and get the paperwork in order. Why do I feel so guilty now that the time is here? Just yesterday there was a incident with him at home and I said to myself, I really can't do this for much longer. Today, I received notice of the upcoming availability. For some reason, I'm hesitating. This is such a huge decision. Neither of us has any family left, so the decision is mine. Has anyone else gone through the hesitation process in their mind at the last minute? If so, can you share some ideas that ultimately made you decide one way or the other. The group home has been extremely strict about Covid 19 and they have not had any cases to date. I've not been able to have any help come in since mid-March. Thank you.
If nothing else, YOU need a break from 24/7 caregiving.
Would it help if you framed this for yourself as a 6 week respite? Promise yourself (and this is a thought just for you, not DH), that you'll re-evaluate how things are going in 6-8 weeks?
Because if you become ill, your husband has no one to advocate for him. You are a precious resource for him.
Please take this time to recharge your batteries.
((((Hugs))))))
Being a caregiver places a lot of stress and anxiety on a person which could cause physical issues with you. For his benefit and yours, go ahead and place him in the group home. He'll be well cared for.
I was at that same place just before Luz had her last attack of not being able to walk. I explained it all to her and we both felt really bed about it.
Unfortunately she sis not live long enough for me to go through with it.
You feel just like I did. I never wanted to be separated from her but I knew it would be for the best but it never happened.
Visiting would be the best follow up after placement.
Excuse me now. My screen is getting blurry.I wish you the best.
Take that room, it may be months until one is available again. Find caregiver support and or therapy. Do not expect this change to be easy, it won't be.
Now that it looks like this move will happen do not discuss with husband. All you do not need is him having second thoughts, or worse refusing to go. If you don't get this help, then what if something happens to you?
Don't turn back.
Many decisions we have to make are heart breaking.
I always said my number 1 priority was safety.
If I could not care for him safely, either his safety or mine I would have had to place him in Memory Care.
You have made the best choice given the circumstances the fact that he also realizes that this move is necessary is wonderful. I can tell you it may not always be so. He may forget that he also wanted this or knew it was necessary. Do not let that "guilt" you. You are doing the right thing.
Everyone hesitates when making a giant leap. But if those first steps were never taken we would all be crawling, "explorers" would never have ventured past the Mississippi, we would not know what the surface of the moon looks like.....
You are doing what is best and safest for him.