I've been caring for my grandparents since last October. I started out 5 or 6 days a week. My grandpa passed last February and I've been my 91 y/o grandma's caregiver 7 days a week. I've had 3 personal days in almost a year. About a month ago she started experiencing intense pain due to deterioration in her lower spine. She is now not able to lift her legs and is not able to get around at all without assistance and I've been here 24 hrs a day 7 days a week. I have no help and can't go home and she begs me to not to transfer her into a nursing home. She and everyone else just expects me to give up everything for her. I miss my home, my dogs, my husband, my life. I know I just need to suck it up and adapt but I'm only a month in and I feel like I'm losing myself completely. Thanks for listening to me vent.
We lived 3 hours away and moved her here. Her hip failed and we pushed for a new surgeon, therapy, blah blah to get her into the shape she is in now. However, now she says we ruined her life, moved her away from her friends and she doesn't like our cooking, so on and so on. We turned our lives upside down, cater to her and all she does is complain how we mistreat her. She won't take her medicines because neither of us know anything and the doctor and pharmacy is stupid. So if you can get out GO
As you fall further into Caregiving Land you’ll realize that there are givers and takers. You’re a giver. She’s a taker.
Since she is so elderly, she may recall horror stories about nursing homes where old people are tortured, maimed and left to die on a hill with vultures circling overhead. (Not really, but the untrue fable assumes that threat in their heads.) There are nice long term care homes now. They have windows, sunshine, kind professionals to take care of people like her and even outings for residents who are able to go. She doesn’t realize that but it’s time for you to find one. Today!
She goes there ASAP and you go home to your dogs and husband. She’s going to whine and cry and beg, and you stand firm. Tell her to suck it up. She’s not too old to learn how.
And that goes for every elderly person on the planet, including me. I’d rather throw myself into a fiery pit than do to my family what she’s doing to you. And I’ve put it in writing.