I've been caring for my grandparents since last October. I started out 5 or 6 days a week. My grandpa passed last February and I've been my 91 y/o grandma's caregiver 7 days a week. I've had 3 personal days in almost a year. About a month ago she started experiencing intense pain due to deterioration in her lower spine. She is now not able to lift her legs and is not able to get around at all without assistance and I've been here 24 hrs a day 7 days a week. I have no help and can't go home and she begs me to not to transfer her into a nursing home. She and everyone else just expects me to give up everything for her. I miss my home, my dogs, my husband, my life. I know I just need to suck it up and adapt but I'm only a month in and I feel like I'm losing myself completely. Thanks for listening to me vent.
In an emergency, yes. A few weeks. A month, even. After that, no.
Your vows were made to your husband. He comes first.
I agree with the other posters.
And I can't help you with much, but I used these two things with my mom-same problem, won't use a hearing aid. These are big enough they won't get misplaced, don't cost a lot, and are easy for an elderly person to use. I got them at amazon.
''Reizen Mighty Loud Ear 120dB Personal Sound Hearing Amplifier''. It was about $35.00 when I bought it, it's about $50.00 now. This one is easy to use--it just has an on/off switch and a volume wheel. (There might be cheaper ones out there.)
I also bought these cheap headphones-they work great and don't get lost.
''Panasonic Headphones, On-Ear Lightweight Earphones with XBS for Extra Bass and Clear, Natural Sound, 3.5mm Jack for Phones and Laptops, Work from Home - RP-HT2''
When I found myself raising my voice at my mom because she couldn't hear, I would also start to feel my level of exasperation rise. Not a good place to be. I had her put on the amplifier and headphones, explaining that I didn't like to yell at her. Whenever she had issues hearing I would stop, hand them to her and then talk once she had them set. The headphone jack should be compatible with older ipads and some phones, so if she wants to listen to music that way that might give you a break? Listening to music would put my mom in a good mood.
But yeah, you've put in your time and your grandma needs an alternative.
Difference is my mom is on hospice and its not a "no one knows" dx at this stage. So. Her sundowning is going to ead to, well. The actual setting of the final sun, soon. But if there's no such dx with your grandmom. IT's just not fair to you.
as someone who knows where MY family is, I can ask, but not dramatically :/ where your gma's is. I am the daughter and would never saddle my neices with this. The ones who would help, just lost their father this year and I don't think they're ready to handle a grandparent on hospice yet after that. :/
Go home. Live YOUR life! I am not a grandma but if I had grandkids I would want them to be happy living their own lives.
You may be jeopardizing both your welfare AND HERS by staying in a situation that is NOT MANAGEABLE for you to do.
Be prepared for family members to be mad (or furious) at you- if you bow out THEY may have to actually HELP, and NOBODY wants to do THAT. Ooops, you’re actually doing it…….
Does anyone have POA for Grandma? If so, inform them that YOU ARE FINISHED, as of whatever date you choose.
DO NOT talk to Grandma about her situation or yours. Do not say goodbye to her.
JUST LEAVE.
And what person who claims to love their grandchild 'begs them not to transfer her into a nursing home' and acts THAT selfish, knowing the huge burden they are not being able to get around AT ALL? Are you lifting this woman? What happens when YOU need to call 911 for YOURSELF and your own broken back?
This situation is not sustainable at all, yet for some reason, you feel beholden to your grandmother as her only source of help 24/7, to your own detriment, and at the expense of your family!
I say, tell your parents or whoever else is grandma's POA that you're giving your 2 weeks notice. If there is no other next of kin involved here, give grandma one month's notice that she will be moving into a nursing home, that you've done your level best ALL this time to care for her, but that you're not going to sacrifice your health, your back, and the rest of your life in servitude to her for no good reason now that she's become immobile. You love her and will visit her often in her new location where she will have others to socialize with and an entire staff to wait on her 24/7 rather than one exhausted and burned out human being.
Wishing you the best of luck seeing this untenable situation for what it is. Unstick yourself right away, you can do it!