Im with my dad he's at the last stages, I feel upset, angry, and lonely are these feelings normal? I'm so sad to see my dad like this the nurses have said he's in no pain but I've been here 6 hours and he as not blinked once and I have to keep giving him mouth care because his mouths really dry. I find myself sat here thinking this is pure torture why can't he just go I really feel like he's in pain and can't tell anyone.
During my mother's last days, I witnessed her issue many VERY loud hiccups which had me jumping out of my skin. Most times, they have one foot here and one already on The Other Side before they pass. Many hospice nurses have written books on what they've witnessed during the death process, and many of those stories are profound.
Take some time for yourself and don't sit by dad's bed constantly. It's too much. When my dad was dying, I found myself holding my breath in between him taking breaths which were sometimes 1 minute apart! I was ready to pass out as a result. I then realized it'd be a good idea to leave his bedside for periods of time to stay well myself.
The stages of grief are Denial, Bargaining, Anger, Depression and Acceptance, all of which occur during the anticipatory grief that comes along with watching a loved one die. Your feelings are normal. I remember feeling SO angry before dad died that I wanted to tear someone's head off. Anyone would do.
I'm sorry you are going thru such an ordeal with your dad. Sending you a hug and a prayer for peace moving forward
To be sad is also normal.
Many times you can tell if a person is in pain even if they can not talk.
Many times facial muscles will indicate pain even if he is not conscious he is making them.
I am sure that the nurses are giving him Morphine to reduce pain and this also help him relax so that he can breathe easier and the muscles relax a bit so they are not constricted.
He will go when he is ready.
Talk to him.
Tell him that you will miss him. Tell him that you love him. Thank him for being the dad that he has been your whole life. Tell him that you will be alright that he has done a good job raising you so that he knows that his job as a dad is done.
Give him a kiss and a hug.
I am sorry you are going through this. I have personally witnessed this 3 times. However, it sounds like you feel tortured. Can you reach out to hospice to see if a chaplain or social worker is available? They are used to this process.
As to why? I am afraid that's not an answer any human has. I am so sorry your vigil is so full of grief, and I wish your Dad peace.