He is a widower with 2 children 23 and 28. The 23yr old son is a College student who was going to take test and apply to Medical School. 28 yr old daughter has anxiety and a 3yr old. Today at the hospital the Social Worker presented my Nephew with the 24 hour Care Plan to be filled out and implemented upon BILs discharge. The Transplant will take place 2hrs from our homes. Following surgery BIL has to remain within 60 miles of hospital along with 3 full time Caregivers. Son will be first Caregiver. That is where the list ends. I so want to help these kids out. But being stuck in an apartment for at least 30 days helping care for someone having had this surgery, I can't seem to wrap my head around it. Should I decide to do this there are in hospital education courses. But I would like to hear some personal experiences before I commit myself.
Well, this is totally normal on all parts. Sorry to say that, but this "pre transplant-I'm super sick and may die" attitude is REALLY hard to deal with. Your BIL is getting the best care possible, I'm sure. I wouldn't even be surprised to find that my SIL has seen him, he's doing transplant rounds now--(he is going to be a Hepatologist specializing in Liver transplants)...small world.
The whole family needs to be on the same page. Period. The SW is just doing her job (ours was a joke, I asked her for help so many times and she'd push these pamphlets across her desk--she NEVER walked down the hall to even MEET my hubby!)
There likely will be more of these "days", before, or if, your BIL makes it to the actual transplant.
As I have said (and not to appear a saint, which I MOST assuredly am NOT!!) I was the only person on board with hubby's post op care. I had to address the depression he had (and still has, times 10, now)...I had to drive to every single apt and take notes. I had to deal with the ins. co. by myself with hubby second guessing me all the way. I shopped, fed, cleaned, babysat....and hubby wondered why I "tanked" when he was "better".
Maybe there are a few too many of you running to him? I don't know. Hubby would state he wanted visitors, but he slept through most visits and he is almost 100% amnesiac about the 2+ weeks he was in the hospital.
Hang in there, you are SUPPORT, not his primary caregiver.
DEEP BREATH. Many things are out of your control. And good luck. My heart aches for everyone involved in this. NOTHING can prepare you for the emotional rollercoaster you're on. Just try to pamper yourself just a little and set boundaries....and know that somebody out in cyberspace really "gets" what you're going through.
Looks like the family were right nearby or coming soon.
May their presence console you.
{{{{Hugs}}}} to you and your family Lizzywho.
What you wrote was an amazing eulogy to Bil's life.
" BIL was so full of life and everyone in 3 counties best buddy. He and his son traveled the world after his wife passed. BIL could not have crammed 1 more hour of fun into his 52 years. It's almost as if he knew on some level he would not be with us into our old age."
I sincerely hope you get to share your kind words with your family members.
Just a stranger here, passing by, amazed by your Bil's story and your dedication.
Sorry for your loss.
I could never say the words out loud now to family. There would be major waterworks from all including myself. Someday when time has passed I'm sure there will be a big toast to BIL with frosty beverages. I will throw in my thoughts from what I wrote above. Thanks for the idea!
I read a lot on this site and and occasionally chime in. But mostly just passing by myself. Lots of knowledge and help on this site but I enjoy the fun stuff most of all.