My mom has dementia, its been 9 years now. I quit my job when she first became diagnosed & watched her for 2 years. I had to return to work for 2 years then after that I quit my job to care for her. My cousin then came in and took care of her but then had to move. In August of last year my father had a major heart attack while he was in the hospital my sister became my fathers power of attorney. She last year also took my mom who supposedly signed her power of attorney form ,mind you my mom does not speak, feed herself or can not write for the last 3 years. My mother never authorized my sister to be her power of attorney. My brothers & sisters for the last year had made a calendar that we all took turns on, my mother has 13 children, all living. On the 4th of July, 2011 my sister had taken my parents for the weekend on her day back she was upset because my niece who was living with my parents took the day off, she sent out a txt to all of her brothers and sisters saying I'm putting mom in a home, without having a family meeting. There are 7 of us who would take her into our homes & care for she will not give up the power of attorney to either one of us. Yesterday I went to visit my mother at nursing home. She was limp i could not get the nurses to help me wake her, it was as if she had passed it took me 45 min. to get her conscious the nurses at the home said that she was fine & they could not do anything until my sister who has POA would arrived she would not answer our calls as we tried to tell her mom possibly was dead. When sister finally arrived 45 min. later mom came to. SHe then kicked me & my other family members out and said if we step a foot on the property she would have us arrested. What can we do if she has children willing to care for her in our own homes & how can we become POA, I dont want any money to take care of my mother she can have all the money which by the way my mother does not get alot. As for my father he has been afraid of disagreeing with my sister because she has threatened him that she would put him in a home so he has now agreed to putting mom in a home. What do I do please help!!
Perhaps a physician can determine if she does or does not require care 24/7 and his/her findings provide answers to everyone's satisfaction. It's all about what is best for your mother.
I think it will take all three of you to agree to change the status quo and place Mother in a care center.
How does your cousin feel about the care center?
It sounds like you have things well-arranged for your mother. But with the new complications that she was hospitalized for, might things be different when she returns home?
Here's my big concern: People beyond the early stages of dementia should not be living alone. It is wonderful that she is right next door to you, but she is still alone for large portions of the day and night. Even without additional health issues, this is just not safe. And your mom does have additional health issues.
Maybe the three of you POAs should discuss what is best for mother. Does her doctor think she is still OK to live alone? If so, what safeguards can the three of you think of to keep her safe where she is? Can you all agree that when (not if) the doctor declares her no longer able to live alone, that you together find a suitable placement for her?
This should not be about who has power to make decisions and how we stop one absentee sister from interfering, etc. but what is really best for Mom, now and in the future? How do we work together toward implementing what is best for her?
I told our children early in my husband's dementia, "If something should happen to me, please understand that your dad cannot live alone. He may put on a good show, and he will swear up and down he is OK and can take care of himself. He can't." Some people with dementia can get along on their own with a LOT of support longer than others can. But eventually they really cannot live alone.
We children saw to it that our mom had lots of support (nurse visits, meals on wheels, house cleaning and laundry help, etc.) and that allowed her to stay in her apartment probably 4 years longer than she could have without help. But eventually the dementia got to the point where she could not live alone. She lived with one daughter for a year, and the dementia and her physical health got worse. She is now in a nursing home, and the dementia continues to get worse, but she is content and being well taken care of.