Should I let my Dad (80) who has TIA's control the family estate?

I'm sure Pam is right, and I'd even tentatively go further to say that for both you and your father's party it's the only possible thing to do. Probate is probate, it's a legal process that will run its course of determining which of the wills in circulation was the last made by your mother and whether or not it can be proved to be valid. Then that's the one that will stand.

Your problem, I would guess, will be to do with proving the validity of your mother's videotaped will. The video in itself may not establish her competence, and if her competence is in question the courts may disregard the last will and revert to the previous one. I'm afraid that you will have to wait and see.

I'm just curious: what advice is this expensive attorney giving you?

Doodlebug, just an FYI that all of mom's assets will be under the control of a court appointed fiduciary until this thing is settled. Usually that is an independent third party appointed by the Judge.

I did Fire the first lawyer and now have a much more exspensive one. Hope she comes through🙏❤️😇

You posted this question before. My advice is let the Judge sort it out in compliance with the probate laws of your state. That's the only fair thing to do.

The family details have little to do with the Real Question here, which is probably headed to court, for a judge to decide: which Will is valid? All the family drama is just a distraction from the Real Question. So go file a claim in Family Court, or wherever judges decide between various Wills. Please report back when the Wills have been reviewed by a Judge.

TooYoungForThis:
I think you missed the point. After a lot of thought and prayer over this, I cannot let the My mother's wishes be overlooked. My mom was very smart. I knew that she made me Executrix of her will and my brother was executor of my dads will. They had separate wills. The family was angry because she deeded a small garden home that my grandmother had left her to me. I was thrown out by my father and feared he would do physical harm to me. Let's face it. He is what you call a "CONTROL FREAK". That is my only explanation. He would get angry with mother and throw the big "D" word out there, then claim to have acted out in anger. I watched my mother cry all her life, because of him. When my mother got a hold of the 2010 Will and saw the modification from me as Executrix To making him Trustee and Executor, it must have upset her. I just thought that she changed the executor part back to me. And NO I did not read it or watch the video until after I found out that he had filed the 2010 will. I went to my safety deposit box and retrieved the envelope. I was quite surprised as to all the changes. My father has threatened to diss inherit me so many times, that maybe she thought he would. I'm not a lawyer. And it's beginning to look like I need a lawyer to keep my lawyer in line. It's very complicated. I wanted to just throw in the towel and say &:#% it, but that is not what mother would have wanted. I have a new probate atty. And from what I have discussed already with her, she has seen how greed takes over after a death of a loved one. I did work for the business for 23 years and still want to work. They don't want me as a part of the family. I can accept that. I've come to terms that trying to fix a family that has been broken my whole life is not going to happen. I thought it was strange for the lawyers to meet without both clients there also. I've never been faced with death, wills, or probate. I don't even have a will myself yet. I'm sure that this new lawyer can arrange to do that for me. Thanks for your input. Reading all those questions was exhausting. Whatever my mothers reasons were, I'm sure she knew what COULD go wrong and she was protecting the family estate from being taken by a second wife or perhaps my brother and dad teaming up against me. It sure appears that way, now that I'm getting a clearer picture of what happened in 2010. I was going through a nasty divorce after 19 years and my ex husband works for the family as general manager. They were good buddies that year. Then after the dust settles, him and I bacame good friends again. Believe me when I say that he makes a better boyfriend than he did a husband. The new will is done perfectly with all correct signatures on every page. The 2010 that he filed is not initialed and is not worth the paper it's written on. She clearly states in the video that he made himself TRUSTEE and put him and my brother in "CONTROL". Are you catching this. It's not about the money. It's about "CONTROL". She did not cut my father out. He still has his half. She did have 1% more equity which gives me 51% and father 49%. All he had to do is cut me out of his will totally and leave his half to my only sibling. That simple. Leave me $1. He has always thought the boy should be the leader and make the higher salary. It was this way, and he will never change his mind. No I did not confront my father with the note. I knew he would go complain to my mother and just upset her. He did enough damage to her over the years. I just wanted PEACE. I hope I answered your questions. I don't think he has dementia, I now know it's selective memory. I will not back down. Let the lawyers get rich. I have nothing to lose from carrying this out.

I'm sorry this has happened to you, sounds like you need a good attorney. The last thing we can do for those that have passed, is to honor their wishes. If your mom truly wanted you to be the executrix, then you should fight. I can imagine it can be very frustrating to be in this position. Families can be the worst. Maybe they are afraid they will be 'cut out'. Good luck.

This whole situation is strange. Why would your mother have a will without your father in it? Generally, when a spouse dies, everything automatically goes to the surviving spouse. Then when that surviving spouse dies, whoever is named in the will gets whatever is left.

If your father cashed in her life insurance policies, then he must have been the named beneficiary. A person can not collect a life insurance policy unless they are the named beneficiary.

I've read some of your other posts/answers. One, which you wrote on March 3rd, said that your father cashed in one of his life insurance policies that was worth half a million dollars for $16,000. How do you know he did this? Did you see the papers? You said that your father had vascular dementia because you found it in his emails. How did you get into your father's emails, and why would you read your father's emails in the first place? Did your father allow you to read his emails? Do you know his password? Not for nothing, but a person can do whatever they want to do with their money & life insurance policy (ies). Quite frankly, you have no business questioning that & certainly no business bringing it up with your brother. Perhaps the person you should have asked is your father. Maybe he had a perfectly valid reason for doing it. If your father decided it was a good idea to throw $484,000 away to cash in for $16,000, then that's his own decision.

And then you went on to ask if anyone has had to battle their whole family because their mother changed her will knowing that he was having dizzy spells & showing signs of mental slippage. You said that your father had an affair during their 59 year marriage, that she tried to trust him but he always showed favoritism to your brother. What does showing favoritism toward your brother have anything to do with your father having an affair & your mother trying to trust him? You said that you thought she feared he would re-marry & cut you out totally----what does your father re-marrying have to do with cutting you out? Your father could cut you out whether he was still married to your mother or not.

You also go on to say that your whole family won't have anything to do with you, even your own son because your father supports him & his wife. ??????

You say that you had nothing to do with her changing her will & you"had not even read it or watched the video taping of her last wishes". Then you go on to say that your mother signed a new will that your father set in front of her without reading it, & when she found out she changed it to the shock of everyone, including you, & she left everything to you. How do you know this? You would have had to know that she signed a new will to know this. Everyone would have had to have known to be "shocked" when she did it. How would you know that when she found out that she signed a new will she changed it "to the shock of everyone" if you hadn't read it or watched the video tape? How do you know that she found out she was "tricked" into signing a new will & then went and had a will drawn up by an attorney? You would have had to know this before she died, as that is not something that you'd be able to find out just from the paper of a will.

Who videotaped her? Did the attorney videotape her? Did she videotape herself?

Your post on March 2nd says that your father wants to sue you & make sure you're cut out of the family's estate because he has a hatred towards you, & the only reason you can think of is because you found a note on the bar of the lake house that you gave to your mother? Really? You never asked your father over the course of your life since you were 9 years old why he has a hatred toward you?

I have a feeling that there's a lot more to this than what you're telling us. There's much more to this besides just your mother & her will. It is exceedingly odd that your mother was still married to your father & had a separate will for the "family estate" & that she left everything to you if your father is still alive. When she died, you are the only one that was supposed to get the entire family estate & your father would be left with nothing? If it is a "family estate", then the will would be together with your father, not just your mother---your father is part of the "family". I doubt your son doesn't speak to you because your father is supporting him. And you say your father has been lying about you for years---what are the lies, and who is he telling these lies to? Even if he is your father, if he is spreading lies about you that are detrimental to your life, & especially your livelihood, you have a solid case for a slander & libel lawsuit.

You said that you gave $1,000 to the lawyer to file your mother's latest will, your father has deeper pockets than you do & you're running on empty. If there is a sizable family estate, you were your mother's favorite (and she was a member of the "family estate" that has all the assets), your father is supporting your son & his wife at 80 years old, & there is a family business, why are you "running on empty"? If there is a family business, can't you work for the family business to make money?

The whole story just doesn't add up. If you were executor & trustee of your mother's will before 2010, what happened after 2010? Why did you give your attorney $1,000 just to file a will? Filing a will is a nominal fee. And why did your attorney have 2 meetings with your father's attorney? Why didn't your attorney just file the will? What were the meetings about? And were you present at the meetings? Lawyers usually don't have private meetings without their clients there.

There's more to this.

Doodlebug1938: You said, "then they tricked mother into signing a new one"...the new will, I presume. If she was "of sound mind" at the time of her signature, then there is liitle you can do about it.\\ If you are 77 years old, I would suggest that you just roll with it. Evaluate your own assets and what you stand to inherit from your mother, and then, my suggestion, let it be.

Why did they shut you out?

How %^&*dy frustrating. Families can be the very devil and especially when the vultures seem to hover more intently as death becomes imminent. Your mother's last will and testiment should stand and the attorney should have filed it immediately. the question will be was she sound of mind when she made it.

As it is supported in video then surely there is a system in the US to mediate this to a satisfactory conclusion