My Step-dad is addicted to the computer so many things need to be done around the house. My Mom and I have mention it, mostly me actually, but he says he is busy all the time. Mine you he does the groceries shopping only because he uses only credit cards but he forgets things and my Mom will send him back to the store sometimes up to twice a day. So I offer to go with him when it is a huge list. I even offer to do all of it for them but he said we don't carry cash someone could break in. I thought okay it's your choice? But someone could break in and take your credit cards and everything else?? Anyways he has a habit of just putting all the groceries on the floor still in bags and leaving it there expecting me to put it away fed up sometimes he will leave it there for up to an hour and some of it is frozen I am just frustrated and having a bad week. Today he did it again it was half an hour I was so mad but quietly I put it away. Just feeling tired and frustrated he sometimes doesn't even say thank you for serving him or he will complain about the suppers I cook quietly chucking it out or just leaving it on the counter. Thinking about taking the day off tomorrow they don't want respite care because they only cater to my Mom because she has Parkinson's so because the caregiver is just for her they don't want their services. I hope someone can give me some good advice feeling down and frustrated.
As far as the respite care, let them concentrate on your mom and let him take care of himself.
It is just the way he is in part because of the expected roles they had in the past. Believe me, it could be worse. He could be scolding you all the time for not doing things right.
Just consider this his limitations, and care for him and your mom out of love for your mom. Remember, you mom used to take care of him.
What I mean is, if you're feeling put upon, the first thing to do is to tell the person who is doing the putting. If that doesn't work - and I do mean speak in words, not drop hints - then we'll have to think of something else; but it's worth trying.
And for optimum results with the male of the species, I should start with specific unambiguous instructions such as "please put the frozen food away in the freezer." And don't forget to say thank you. Yes, I know it's his food too, but approval is a sweet and powerful thing.
This point about the respite care "only" being for your mother so they won't accept it is hooey and has to stop. The respite care is neither for your mother nor for both of them but for you. *You* accept it!
And Rocknrobin is right. Your stepfather won't change so you have to find a way to live with this stuff yourself. First thing on your list of things to change would be to let the caregiver come over for your mom. Stepfather should have no say so in this. And when the caregiver is there go to a movie or to lunch with a friend. Just get away.