Does anyone else live with an ungrateful, manipulating, selfish and jealous Mom?
I am exhausted and feel wrung out! We both own the house but I moved in a year and a half ago as I could see that her health and mobility were on the decline. I often felt guilty working long hours and being the only daughter left in this country, knew it was down to me to be her caregiver. Having my own health issues, which meant I could no longer work in the job I was doing, I left work intending to take care of my Mum.
At first I thought the back biting comments were just teething troubles, but it soon became apparent that this was the way it was going to be.
I did everything for her; housework, appointments, meals etc. She is supremely selfish and absolutely mean with money, even though she is in no way poor. She has left it to me to pay for home improvements and will not part with a penny, even though legally, we both own the house. She would rather live in squalor. Also, it turns out, her mobility problems are made worse by her excessive alcohol consumption and she refuses to cut down. she is jealous of everyone and hates me talking to the neighbours as she is jealous that the woman next doors husband is still alive and hers isnt. She dumped her only friend as she was no longer any use to her as she had the audacity to contract blood poisoning and spent time in a medically induced coma. She wants to know absolutely everything that I am doing and what for and if I speak to a friend she wants details of the conversation. She has negative comments for everything and I feel my energy constantly being syphoned off by this energy vampire. I have put on weight and now care little about my appearance, it seems pointless. My hair is like a pan scrub and I feel I have aged. Food i prepare is deemed too much for her, yet an hour later she will be eating biscuits. I know she is secretly feeding my dog too as she is now like a little barrel, but denies she is doing it.
Somehow, even with her health issues, she has gained more energy and goes out most days, while I am left drained and like a wet rag.
The other day we had a massive argument and I told her a few truths that she didnt like to hear. I have avoided her for over a week and have gone on strike regarding domestic duties as she is capable of doing things for herself. But instead of cooking for herself, she sits and eats biscuits,thinking i`ll feel sorry for her. She is sooo like a child. I took a phone call today when she was out - it was from a housing rental place, so clearly she`s been thinking of moving out, or, it could just be another way to gain attention from me.
Should I let her move out if thats what she decides?
In response to MaggieMarshalls questions: My Mum has angina, severe osteoarthritis and dysphagia. Heart problems took most of my family on my Mums side in their sixties. She is 75. Some days she is practically immobile. When she does go out she can only walk a few paces before she has to sit. She travels around on buses a lot and goes to other towns to sit and then get back in the bus!
She has a stick but is unstable. I always think she will fall or get mugged. I sold my house and bought my sisters out of hers. My Mum was pleased with thus arrangement and so was I as it meant that as the only daughter left living in the UK, I wouldn't have to deal with emptying and selling the house. My sisters live in Alaska and Canada. Legalities' dictate that neither one of us can sell up without the permission of the other. My money is tied up. She was sooo depressed before I moved in and I was relieved to see her perk up. Guilt on my part was a driving factor. I always felt guilty working 14hr shifts as a carer and wondering if she had had a fall and was alone. She fell down the stairs a few years ago and had to have 12 staples in her head. I am awaiting an operation for my back, on the NHS, and until I have recovered, I cannot work. I have been waiting months now. My mother has plenty more money than me, but then she's too tight to buy anything! She'll even dehydrate all day when she's out, rather than buy a drink! No, I'm not kidding!
I just returned from staying with my dying mother. She has pancreatic cancer and deteriorates weekly. However, she is not down and out enough yet to not make comments about me behind my back and make me feel I can do nothing right. She hates everyone, always has, and is very entitled. She was more concerned about me stopping up her kitchen sink (because I just had to cook some food) than using the little time we have left to make amends. Well I am home now, and her window of opportunity is closed. Sad.
My point is these types never change and you are beating your head against a wall. Save yourself. She, if like my mom, doesn't give you a thought. Take care of yourself.
Sounds like Mum is still very upset that her hubby has passed on so she is taking it out on you.... is it fair?... of course not. Time to part ways, it sounds like she is still able to take care of herself. If she actually does needs help around the house, she can hire someone who can go home in the evenings and return refreshed in the morning.