Hi, new here so it's great to find this resource. Myself and my husband and toddler moved in with my FIL last year to care for him after MIL passed away. He does not need 24/7 care but has early stages dementia, anxiety and depression. Family only visit when it suits them. The problem is when they do visit they come in a group of 5 or 6 at the same time (kids included) and stay late so I cannot get my daughter to bed at her routine time which causes chaos in the house and leads to a very grumpy toddler. I have reached out and asked them if they could perhaps call a little earlier so I could do the bedtime at the normal time. They Have refused and said they will call when they like and won't be told when they can and can't call. It makes me feel like I am so unwelcome in my own home. They are due to visit again soon and I am dreading it. Am I being unreasonable in what I am asking them??
because the story is fake.
it's full of inconsistencies, because people who post fake stories can't be bothered to keep the "facts" straight.
they lure people into replying...add some more fake "facts"...then eventually disappear.
I can actually understand why some of you thought this might be fake. The reason for the difference between MIL and FIL etc is that I was afraid some of the family members might be on this site so maybe I should change the sex, and after I typed the initial heading and message I went back and changed the MIL to FIL etc and just never thought to change the heading. I am not even in the USA so I know now that none of the family were ever going to be on this forum.
Anyway, just thought I would put all you minds at ease.
I hope your husband is able to set his entitled family straight, so you aren’t taken advantage of, or treated like dirt going forward.
If your husband isn’t able to take control of the situation with his troublemaking family who think they should have 24/7 access to YOUR HOUSE, the two of you and your sweet toddler might need to sell up and buy a different home. That would take care of the entitled family — one trouble sorted!
Looking ahead, your father-in-law will at some point become too much for you to handle as sole caretaker. He will overwhelm you with his needs which will become harder and harder and grosser and grosser to take care of. You must start efforts to find an elder-care facility of some sort for him. Why? Because:
Taking care of your failing FIL will take away your time and love and effort given to your own toddler, and your toddler is the most important person in the equation. Do not destroy your child’s childhood and mental health and security by ignoring the child (and I guarantee that will happen, no matter what you think right now) in favor of paying all your attention to your FIL while trying unsuccessfully to deflect all the crap thrown at you by the extended family.
All you have to do is read the thousands of horror-stories offered by other blog posters on this site. They have been in your same position and they warn of the dangers. If you let this situation continue as you’ve described it, disaster will be your reward. Not only will your child get screwed up, but your own health will be damaged, and quite possibly your marriage damaged beyond repair. You will spend all your time trying to keep a frail old man well, while fielding accusations and complaints from his blood family. You will have no time or love left to give to your child, your husband, or yourself.
Start making plans now to place the father-in-law in an elder-care home, and/or consider selling the house to shut down the obnoxious relatives.
Good luck, and please let us know how your husband’s meeting with his family went. Did he get the message through their selfish, thick skulls?
****************************************************
Oh yes: as other posters commented, get your locks changed ASAP! You don’t know how many keys are floating around in the family, so don’t take a chance: change the locks today!