Are you sure you want to exit? Your progress will be lost.
Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
✔
I acknowledge and authorize
✔
I consent to the collection of my consumer health data.*
✔
I consent to the sharing of my consumer health data with qualified home care agencies.*
*If I am consenting on behalf of someone else, I have the proper authorization to do so. By clicking Get My Results, you agree to our Privacy Policy. You also consent to receive calls and texts, which may be autodialed, from us and our customer communities. Your consent is not a condition to using our service. Please visit our Terms of Use. for information about our privacy practices.
Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
Share a few details and we will match you to trusted home care in your area:
debbya never apoligize for venting that is what we do hear. I am going to the second meeting of the caregivers support group today-there are 4 former caregivers who go to it at first the ladies running it did not want us there but I think they realize that we can be helpful.
195austin~ no my brother is a merchant mariner, my sis lives in an rv with her 6th husband, it just me.. he doesnt realize how much ive done for him over the years, especially this one, he has 65k a year, he grew up in orphanage, and not ready for a home, even tho im ready for him to go.. anywhere..but with me. work is my only escape. and prayer of course..sorry i vented/dumped.. i am very tired. not 20 any more.- lol !
Debbya I am so sorry for what you are going through-do you have to take whereever you go-does he have funds so you can hire someone to take care of him. How long do you think you will be able to tolarate this behaivor? I think a year of this is a year too much-have you thought of placing him or letting one of the sibs taking him for a period of time?
my dad is 83, ret. usmc sgt maj from texas, i knew they were going to pull his dr. lic. so being the only one of 3 that gives a darn, i moved mr. miseralble up here to live with me..yee haw.. he complains about EVERYTHING, I am tired folks,, tired of him calling me names, his complaints, yes they pulled his lic. hes been here for over a year, they pulled it 3 weeks ago.. i have NO life if i go any where, mr. miserable is with me, except bed, bathroom, and work. he doesnt want to do anything but he doesnt want me to do anything either.. I AM NOT HIS WIFE ~ I am sick of trying to entertain him, 5 hours of cards ~~ regularly while he complains then too, he has no company in texas, he did nothing in texas, he does more here, has gr. kids and great gr. kids here, 2 dogs, a cat, i got him a bigger PC screen, and more.. i work, cook clean, mow the yard,,ru
Greatest61..... are we related??? I think we're sharing the same mother!! Only difference I see is that mine is 84. All kidding aside, I share the frustration of constant negativity about her AL facility, the food, the people, the activities, etc. I also feel like I simply have no more patience in reserve anymore. EVERY suggestion I make is met with an inane reason of why it won't work. Now I steel myself before walking in for each visit. I try to talk about happy things and just ignore or gloss over the caustic remarks about her AL facility neighbors and her creative reasons for wanting nothing to do with them. I guess she really does enjoy being alone and doesn't need friends in their lives... How sad tho.
The negativity is something I find so difficult to deal with. It just seems like once I'm in her presence, I must fight to keep from being drawn downward into that bottomless pit of "the negative." I must say here that my mom is been negative most all of her life but the recent years have been much harder. I try not to respond to all the criticizing and complaints as some of those neither of us have any control over. However, when I return from visiting her, I'm completely exhausted. I always take my dog when I visit as, not only does my mom enjoy her, but the other residents do as well. She is a bright spot!
It certainly is hard to stay patient with your loved one when they act they way yours does. You just kind of have to accept that is the way they are. Have you discussed or told them how you feel, in a nice way, of course? Sometimes they don't realize how unpleasant their behavior is. An elder person's attitude changes as they realize they can no longer have the life the way it used to be and because they feel they know they are declining. My Mom is mostly pleasant but she drives me nuts asking the same questions like did you lock the door when I just told her I did. She complains about the people and food at her AL facility all the time and I just listen and offer suggestions, which she won't accept. Sometimes I actually yell at her because she is so annoying but she responds by giving a reason for the way she is. I love her dearly even though she is extremely negative, but I try to cherish every moment I have left with her because she is 92.
Exhauseted -you are doing what needs to be done not treating every request as an emergency-I would continue to meet her needs in your own way-maybe only 2 or so needs be met in a week-that is the only way she will learn the world does not revolve around her. When I get my Mon's vemon I just do not call her for a while.
It seems a little comforting to know we are not alone with our concerns and there are sympathetic ears out there going through it with you. Yes, it crazy that the caregiver is the one who can never seem to do anything good enough, while other uninvolved siblings & family are never in the wrong. Human nature seems so dysfunctional at times. I guess it's up to us to gently remind them "I understand your reasons for not feeling happy, but I'd rather a hug then your tongue, for doing my best each day."
Sometimes I think that the reason every new day seems to bring a new need, a new demand, a new errand to run, a new crisis that wasn't there the day before, is that when mom sits in her small apartment, alone with her thoughts, she feels that the only way she can still be vital and a part of this life is if she finds reasons to control something -- anything, by creating imagined emergencies, or crises that she can get people (me) to respond to. Thats the only way to be sure she's not forgotten in the hustle and bustle of life outside of her space. For some reason she doesn't want friends, doesn't want interaction on a positive note -- her life is consumed with thoughts only of herself. So every day, I get the call --" I need my blood pressure monitor. You must have packed it away, find it and bring it to me right away." Next day, "I need a hard wooden chair (even though she has two in her livingroom), go to the storage unit and get me two of my dining room chairs." Next day, "I need this or that new over-the-counter med -- or new prescription, etc." Next day.... you get my drift... It is insanely draining, and weighs on your mind every day that you delay in meeting her latest demand, but its life as you know it. And no sooner do you fulfill one demand when the next one is waiting in the wings. I try to keep in my mind the thought that that may be me someday, alone in that small apartment hoping the world won't forget me, so I will keep doing what I know I need to do, but I will do it on my terms, and according to my own schedule. Its the only control I feel I have over my own sanity sometimes. God bless!
What do you do? Well what I do is just move on to the next project...I have allowed my Mother to get under my skin in the past, but now I know that her anger, frustration, ungratefulness, etc is all due to not being able to do what she used to do without anyone's help. I allow her to do what she wants, and tell her I love her and ask for her opinion on things. I'm sure it makes her feel her opinion is valued, instead of an elderly person that society has deemed incompetent to HAVE an opinion at all. I don't know how I will be if I live to be 94, as your elder has been blessed to live that long, but I'm quite sure I will make sure everyone around me knows I am not worthless.
Golf I am glad you are taking some time for yourself-my brother hardly ever goes to see our Mom and rarly calls her but he drives a distance to see our aunt who is always so glad to see him and has such a positive attitude every other month-our Mom just thinks she is entilted to what she has done for her and is is not easy being around her -I have detached somewhat because of her attitude. Adel I am glad your mother is mellowing and does appreciate what you do for her-that makes it a lot easier for you.
Never say never.....my mother has been living with us for almost 6 years now and she is mellowing and beginning to appreciate the little things that make me so happy....like a humming bird or when the backyard flowers bloom. SHE ALSO has recently thanked me for getting her a shopping carriage to help her walk every time we go to the store....or offering my arm to help her walk. SHE NEVER has said thank you before. I also agree to set boundaries and try to still do things with your spouse cause misery loves company and I refuse to become miserable JUST because I am doing a good deed and took Mom in. My Father and only sibling are gone and she couldn't make it on her own. I actually feel we are bonding at this stage of our lives .... and it is a good thing that I might have missed had I NOT taken her in. IT IS ALL GOOD ...if you choose to make it be. GOD BLESS ALL CAREGIVERS !
I'm going through the same thing currently. Mom my treats my so poorly and is so inconsiderate of my feelings. I just continue to remind myself that what I am doing, I am doing for myself as well as for her. I do as much as I can do for her to satisfy my peace of mind. I will never, never please her. I'll never hear from her that she appreciates me in any way shape or form. I remind myself that there will be an end to this situation and that it probably won't be the way I want it to end. But it will all work out as God intends. I have to remember that I am only one person and there are limits to what one person can do without cooperation. Yesterday I had my BP checked and was 140/85 on meds. I have to remember that I am not a young person and I have to take care of me as well. I owe it to myself because there is no one to care for me. Good luck!
Since they are never happy-you can not make someone happy if they are detrimed to not be happy. Do what you can and learn to say no when you want to-set boundaries otherwise it will became 24/7 and you will never have a life of your own if there are sibs encourage them to give some time to you parents-they probably could hire someone to do some things for them-it will only get worseas time goes on-you can not change them only yourself so do what you feel comfortable doing and know they will not like but it is what it is.
Im in the same boat hun. It wont change. Just realize how good of a person you are for doing this. Pat yourself on the back for what you do. I know its frustrating but I believe when all is said and done, your reward will be plentiful. Good Luck
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
so being the only one of 3 that gives a darn, i moved mr. miseralble up here to live with me..yee haw.. he complains about EVERYTHING, I am tired folks,, tired of him calling me names, his complaints, yes they pulled his lic. hes been here for over a year, they pulled it 3 weeks ago.. i have NO life if i go any where, mr. miserable is with me, except bed, bathroom, and work. he doesnt want to do anything but he doesnt want me to do anything either.. I AM NOT HIS WIFE ~ I am sick of trying to entertain him, 5 hours of cards ~~ regularly while he complains then too, he has no company in texas, he did nothing in texas, he does more here, has gr. kids and great gr. kids here, 2 dogs, a cat, i got him a bigger PC screen, and more.. i work, cook clean, mow the yard,,ru
Yes, it crazy that the caregiver is the one who can never seem to do anything good enough, while other uninvolved siblings & family are never in the wrong.
Human nature seems so dysfunctional at times. I guess it's up to us to gently remind them "I understand your reasons for not feeling happy, but I'd rather a hug then your tongue, for doing my best each day."
God bless!