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Thank you all for the advice. We are actually putting him in a privately owned AL. He has the means to pay for it month to month with very little coming out of his savings and does not have to apply for medicaid at this point. And, he really can't refuse...I am not in a position to care of him anymore (I have been doing it for 5 years) and no one else can take him. He requires too much care and he is a fall risk. For his own good and safety, he needs more supervision.
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I've been told by the VA assisted living that if we bring my dad there and he says he doesn't want to stay, they will not admit him even though I am DPOA. They say we need to get guardianship by the courts to force him to stay. That costs money for attorneys.
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I had to move both my parents into assisted living. Prior to moving them (from CT to MD) my husband and I looked at 5 assisted living situations. We chose one that was a two bedroom apartment balcony in a pretty setting with great staff. Turned out to be the best price as well. Neither of my parents wanted to leave their house which had become a death trap - my dad was falling continuously and my mom was sleeping in the dining room on a hospital bed due to a stroke. Neither could navigate the steep stairs, manage their medications, purchase food or sadly understand the calendar of appointments I'd created and put on their refrigerator. We kept showing them photos of their new apartment, talking about the food, how they'd be safe and well cared for and would have things to do, make new friends. And, having a doctor tell my dad he could no longer drive was helpful. We ultimately had a family meeting with my mom's brother and they were more accepting, though they still ask if they can go back to their house on occasion.
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I think what I would do is tell your dad that you've found a MUCH better place for him to stay, where the doctors need him to be to practise walking and speaking. You leave it vague (don't being up home unless he does), if he asks about that, you tell him that down the road, the doctors will assess his ability to live safely at home.

We did something like this when we moved my mom, post stroke, to a really nice AL ( she had been livingi,in an IL at that point). We needed to tell her she was being discharged and where she was going.

It didn't really help. I took her in my car ( don't do this, I would use medical transport if possible) and she became hysterical, tried to grab the steering wheel.
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