Mother and I have had a few disagreements, but today I really put my foot down and told her that it doesn't matter how she felt about something. It's what had to be done and she was going to learn to except it. I just went through the cycle with her to get all of her neurological testing, and the two of us were told she has moderate Alzheimer's. This past week I see another drop in her, and it's time for me to step up and take more responsibilities for her. I turned off her stove (she keeps burning things and the Dr. said no more stove), cleaned out her fridge, and I am making arrangements for her home to be deep cleaned. I feel like a salmon swimming upstream, she is being resistant. The next step, since I told it doesn't matter how she feels, is to just do it and hope she settles in to it. She has become the worst hoarder, and when she tries to tidy up, it gets worse. Every shoe box, bowl or container that can hold something is packed with array of items from every room of the house.
Trying to understand why she's doing that is baffling. I feel like I'm being aggressive, but at the same time if I don't it won't get done and it just keeps getting worse. Somewhere in that pile of chaos is everything she can't find. It's hard to believe that just a few years ago she was the cleanest, most organized person I ever knew.
I know this has to be breaking your heart. The problem is, you mom is not able to be logical. She can’t understand why you are making changes. That being said, you do have to do some things such as make sure the stove "doesn't work," or whatever needs to be done for her safety.
Since you have to make so many changes to her home and living habits, she may be better off living in a good assisted living memory unit. That would be one big change but so is having her house changed as it is. Professionals would make sure she is safe and cared for and you could concentrate on having nice visits with her, taking her out if she enjoys that, and comforting her.
Even in a controlled environment she's likely to get angry with you at times. The only way you'll be able to cope with some peace of mind is to understand that she cannot help but feel anxious over change. Her environment doesn’t make much sense to her. She can't help this. Her brain is being destroyed by the disease.
You might want to get in touch with your local Alzheimer's organization and/or go to www.alz.org to learn more about the disease. The brain tour on this site is amazing.
Take care and please keep coming back here for support. Most of us have been in similar situations.
Carol
if you ask for peoples input i think you should be thankful for getting it instead of being so defensive. i too think your approach was simplistic. ill or not someone who " puts their foot down" with me is prob'ly gonna think theyve ran headlong into the battle of leningrad. the GD brick wont even be reusable. lol
So I know how it feels to try to get a parent to do what's in their own best interest and to be met with their active resistance. It sounds to me like you're doing a fantastic job. Hugs to you. You are not alone.
My FIL could not have lived alone. He would have wandered off. Do you have someone with her 24 hours a day?