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jms712....I am so sorry for what you are having to go through. Just keep in mind that she doesn't really mean those mean things she is saying. Just keep doing what you have to and it will all work out in the end. Good luck to you and keep in touch with all of us....it's nice to have people to talk to. There is also a group on Facebook called Alzheimer's Cafe. If you are on Facebook, look it up and join. There are 193 members so you can get good help.
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2ts - hi kathy, do you have a belief system about what happens to our being when we cross over? Even though I love her and took care of her at home to the very end (well, all but the last 9 days actually), my mom was a Yeller and hitter in all of my younger years and I jokingly say that her personal belief was that everyone was entitled to her opinion (altho she did NOT want to hear anyone else's). As you may imagine, my teenage years were stressful. Most things even doubt as I was an adult but flipped back to her prior behavior - somewhat instigated by a self centered sibling - in her last 10 years, fueled primarily by her oncoming drug,induced dementia.

I asked the initial question because I want to share with you that I believe when our soul, essence, inner being, whatever one calls it leaves the physical body behind and returns strictly to the non physical realm, that energy is now all knowing on a universal level about laws, kindness, love, etc. and that there are no ugly departed souls.

I just asked my higher power to deal with my mom as if she were someone else (as she mostly wasn't herself anymore anyway), not be drawn to her level and know that open, healthy communication would be possible after she passed to the non-physical.

I don't know if it will help you but that's my take...many hugs!
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I won't get into the good or bad of hospice having been a hospice nurse and although I say it myself a very good one for ten years. Everyone has the right to make decisions for themselves. Educate yourself and ask questions. Just because someone has letters after their name does not mean they know everything. Insist they find an answer to your question that you can understand and until they do don't do something you disagree with. The main goals at the end of life are comfort, especially pain relief and freedom from anxiety. It does not matter if the patient sleeps 22 hours a day. Does not want to eat, no problem. Give whatever the patient fancies but in a minute serving on a tiny plate, a couple of teaspoons may be enough, but faced with a dinner plate of her previously favorite meal is simply going to intimidate. keep everything moist and easy to chew and swallow. Offer liquids in tiny glasses and cups. keep the mouth moist and clean. Don't take a whole carton of pudding or yogurt to the bedside, again a table spoon serving is more appealing. Serve food on the prettiest dishes you have. Use a pretty dish towel rather than a bib to protect clothes and bedding. If there are children in the house who can be trained feeding grandma is a good task for them. The interaction will be good for both generations.
CarolLynn, you are a wise and thoughtful woman. I found your explanation of your beliefs about passing into the afterlife very helpful and inspiring
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