Mom is a widow of about 10 years, mid 70's. She thinks she's on my husband and my mortgage and house seed. Bank says she's not on mortgage and is sending paperwork regarding so, yet she says the bank is wrong. That "anyone can print anything out on paper". I told her she's only on deed and that signing a Quit Claim Deed will remove her. Says she won't sign anything. How do I get through to her?
This sounds a lot like your mom. When my loved one was concerned over things, I would tell her I had taken care of it all. (Never mind that she never could say what the problem was, just that it was a terrible problem.) I would tell her that we were going to celebrate with a party, since the problem had been solved. She was so happy and the problem would be over, until later when she forgot that I had solved it. So, I repeated the story again.
If the worrying continues check with her doctor on anti-anxiety medication which will usually help eliminate the excess worrying. Cymbalta helped my loved one a great deal. She doesn't worry over things much any longer.
The goal would be to create a pro forma budget, with contingencies for expenses, and show that you have enough to take care of the home without your mother's funds.
IF she can accept that, and the IF would be the unanswered question, perhaps she could become less worried. But I do understand that as a mother, she still; feels responsible for caring for you and that's an innate instinct that she may always have.
If that's the case, can you find other ways for her to participate in caring for you and your husband? Helping with the meals, for example? Something to allow to still like a parent, and to still feel needed?
It may also be that the paranoia is an aspect of her age and dementia and there's nothing that can be done to address that underlying condition. But I would try to get her to focus on something more positive, things you and she or all 3 of you can do together, relaxing things such as walking (if she's able), visiting a dog park and petting the frisky dogs, going to an free open-air concert. Maybe if she has additional mental stimulation of a soothing nature it might lessen the paranoia issues. ....just hoping and trying to think positively here!
On the other hand, you could be more forceful and after assuring her that she's done a great job taking care of you, that you know she'll continue to do so, then just change the subject and keep doing so, through action, listening to music, watching tv, or doing something that can force her to concentrate on her action.
See if you can figure out what her concern is, whether it's as I suggested above, or perhaps she might feel obligated for your house and mortgage.
If she would sign something, you can create a fictitious document that relieve her of responsibility. If she's worried about the future, think of some way to reassure her.
This happened to my mother once; I don't recall whether she claimed she and Dad weren't married or if she was claiming that Dad wasn't her husband. We had to locate the marriage certificate, and show her Dad's ID to prove that he was her husband they were married.
I don't know, nor am I sure even experts do, why this can be an aspect of dementia.