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At first my mom just wanted to feed my dad who is deceased. But now it's kids she sees. She'll dish out four bowls of ice cream. It's kinda of hard to see food wasted. What should I do?
Hispagirl...How are you doing? I'm so glad you are still posting. I think I stick around not only because I have some great friends that I am concerned about. And it's a bit therapeutic to be there and help someone else get through this whole Dementia/Alz experience. I hope you are doing well..and with time it does get better. My stress level is completely down. No more worrying...just busy. Take care and God Bless.
I think you should indulge her... fighting or trying to reason with a sick person is not good and it will only frustrate you and make her sad. If it's not hurting her, let her do it. I actually smiled when I heard this. As for not wasting the food, perhaps you can be part of her hallucinations by telling her that the kids have finished and you simply put back the food where it belongs.
How about making contact with real children during the day? My mom loves kids and pets, so we try to meet up with some when we go out, or invite the ones we know into her home. My mom would rather skip the Senior Center and go to a family restaurant. MacDonald's draws children with its clowns, playroom, etc. Schools and scouts have activities.
How have the police handled this? Are you sure that she has called them? Could it be that same way she "cooks" for them -- that she calls the police in her delusional world?
I would talk to the folks at the local police and/or sheriff's station and explain the situation about Mother and give them your name and contact information, in case she does make calls.
As you probably now, persons with dementia eventually reach the point where they cannot safely live alone. Is it "eventually" yet for your mother?
My mom has kids with her at night and claims she "cooks" for them, but there is never evidence that she does cook. She lives in independent living. Her grandchildren sometimes spend the night even though they live many miles away. She has called the police that some of the kids have been kidnapped. Her calling the police is what we are trying to resolve now.
Lots of causes for Hallucinations--seeing what's not there, with nothing in the environ to stimulate formation of it. Lots of causes for Delusions--seeing things that aren't there, but which are triggered by things in the environ. I'll never forget one patient, who kept seeing a monkey on the wall. Other staff kept charting he was hallucinating, and, rarely questioned it, since he was on morphine. One day, I asked him where it was, and if it moved--he said, "..right there, by the TV, and no, it never moves far." I looked--sure enough, there it was! It was the black metal plate and 3 large bolts holding it to the wall, supporting the TV! Once he know what it was, and knew I could see it too, his mind must have accommodated, or something--he said he didn't see it anymore after that....then he was weened off the morphine, and it was a non-issue.
It might be important to try to learn if it is a hallucination or a delusion. If it's a delusion, something in the environ is triggering it, and might be adjusted, to remove the trigger for it--delusions can happen even in those who are not medicated, but maybe sick, or injured. If it's hallucination, it could be related to meds, infections, fever, etc., that might need looked at. These things can be frightening, so if there is a way to explain them so they aren't scary, all the better. If it's harmless, like the elder feeding children, those are pretty safe, usually, to play into--can actually help calm some elders, as some sort of stress generally triggers them--playing into them, helps them work past it, to another calm zone..
Instead of ice cream we have switched to plain yogurt, whipped and sweetened to taste with Stevia. Mix in pureed vegetables or cold, cooked split peas (unsalted) for extra nutrients and fiber. Whipped Ricotta cheese works too. Ice cream is not healthy for mom either, weight problem or not. These substitutes taste very good. My mom loves them--and she's fussy.
You've gotten some great advice from others so I have nothing to add other than how primal and sweet wanting to feed children is. If her hallucinations make her happy go with it and try some of the strategies above. And for sure don't eat the ice cream yourself! LOL
When Mom could still feed herself, she would take food off her plate and put it in little piles on the table for the "kids" that were sitting with her. She would have conversations with her grandchildren. This I knew because she would say their names when talking to them. Later during her meal, she would ask me where they went because at some point the hallucination would disappear. Are you with your mom all the time? If you see her getting out the bowls and ice cream, maybe say let me get that for you and take 2 bowls, one for her and one for you. Tell her you would like some too and sit down with her while she eats and distract her. Some times all it takes is something else for them to focus on. And by all means, don't eat every time she does! You'll end up like me, 20 lbs heavier!!! So, just go with the flow and try to distract her onto something else. Don't try to tell her no one is there, because to her they are real. Jeanne's example is a good one and I have used it on Mom many times.
Or you could say that they had misbehaved and were not allowed to have ice cream this evening. Or they had been sent to bed without dinner for some mischievousness.
Or...
They went to a friend's house for dinner. It's a Scout night. Use any child organization there were a part of. They went to a school baseball/football game. They took the dog for a walk. They had chores to finish. School project. School play. Too much homework. They had a date. Went to the movies or arcades with friends.
I guess you can tell that I hit a point in my life where I was missing children at my table; eh? lolz
Perhaps you could offer to assist and dish up a smaller portion of whatever she's serving. Using smaller bowls would add to the illusion that the dishes are fuller. Other foods could be regathered after a short time and reused. Take advantage of her fantasy - which is reality to her - by offering something to serve everyone that won't melt but can be reused. If only reused for serving her family again. I find it useful to play into whatever is going on rather than try and avoid it. As long as it harms no one and she is entertained, I say go with it. It will be less stressful for her and for you.
When the husband of one member of my local caregivers group had delusions of children in the house he always wanted to feed them and asked her to set a place for them. She told him they were watching a nature show on tv, waiting for their parents to pick them up, or that they'd already eaten because they had to go to bed early or some other reason they wouldn't be joining them at the table. It seemed to work for her.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
I would talk to the folks at the local police and/or sheriff's station and explain the situation about Mother and give them your name and contact information, in case she does make calls.
As you probably now, persons with dementia eventually reach the point where they cannot safely live alone. Is it "eventually" yet for your mother?
Lots of causes for Delusions--seeing things that aren't there, but which are triggered by things in the environ.
I'll never forget one patient, who kept seeing a monkey on the wall. Other staff kept charting he was hallucinating, and, rarely questioned it, since he was on morphine. One day, I asked him where it was, and if it moved--he said, "..right there, by the TV, and no, it never moves far."
I looked--sure enough, there it was! It was the black metal plate and 3 large bolts holding it to the wall, supporting the TV! Once he know what it was, and knew I could see it too, his mind must have accommodated, or something--he said he didn't see it anymore after that....then he was weened off the morphine, and it was a non-issue.
It might be important to try to learn if it is a hallucination or a delusion.
If it's a delusion, something in the environ is triggering it, and might be adjusted, to remove the trigger for it--delusions can happen even in those who are not medicated, but maybe sick, or injured.
If it's hallucination, it could be related to meds, infections, fever, etc., that might need looked at.
These things can be frightening, so if there is a way to explain them so they aren't scary, all the better.
If it's harmless, like the elder feeding children, those are pretty safe, usually, to play into--can actually help calm some elders, as some sort of stress generally triggers them--playing into them, helps them work past it, to another calm zone..
Are you with your mom all the time? If you see her getting out the bowls and ice cream, maybe say let me get that for you and take 2 bowls, one for her and one for you. Tell her you would like some too and sit down with her while she eats and distract her. Some times all it takes is something else for them to focus on. And by all means, don't eat every time she does! You'll end up like me, 20 lbs heavier!!!
So, just go with the flow and try to distract her onto something else. Don't try to tell her no one is there, because to her they are real. Jeanne's example is a good one and I have used it on Mom many times.
Or...
They went to a friend's house for dinner.
It's a Scout night. Use any child organization there were a part of.
They went to a school baseball/football game.
They took the dog for a walk.
They had chores to finish.
School project.
School play.
Too much homework.
They had a date.
Went to the movies or arcades with friends.
I guess you can tell that I hit a point in my life where I was missing children at my table; eh? lolz