Follow
Share
Read More
This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Find Care & Housing
Ohhh. I have experience with Adult Protective Services in San Antonio. This is where I live. Mark Smith is a fine Probate Attorney who also handles situations like yours. He has an excellent paralegal. You ideally want someone certified in Elder Law. If your mom's home was "cluttered" and she had paths to get through the rooms or too much paper (unopened mail), APS callls this a trip or fire hazard. Almost anyone can put a frozen dinner in the microwave. But she probably needs help w/ laundry & getting food from the grocery store. APS is the adult equivalent of Child Protective Services. I am home now but if I see people coming to my door I don't know, I am better off not answering it. And because i have good insurance, they wanted to keep me in rehab, saying my front steps to my home were a problem. But i have a 3 wheel motorized scooter with a ramp going into my back door, to avoid an ugly ramp out front. APS thinks they can do anything and they pretty much can. And I had 3 sweet dogs waiting for me to come home. Your mom needs to walk as much as she can and get back her strength. Tell her to demand rehab. But she may not get it. Incontinance is the #1 reason women are placed in nursing homes. Their beds become wet and they can't put dry sheets on the beds often enough.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

Typically - I'm not saying there is never fraud or a profit motive going on - APS will only act if a person is a very clear and present danger to themselves and others. As already mentioned, the three people who think she is "fine" could be mistaken - it is very common that some recognizes familiar people and can chat amicably, but lacks the judgement or short-term memory to manage on their own. One thing to ask yourself is if she had financial or other assets that were tempting enough for others to try to seize control over. Another is if she is functioning well enough, why is she not contesting the placement herself?

If you still face a stone wll of silence in trying to get in touch, another possibility would be to get online, hire a geriatric care coordinator and give her the mission of getting your Mom to sign a HIPAA form so you can get medical information. By default you'd think her son could get information, though, unless there is a spouse or another sibling who had been caring for her? Typically APS *wants* a family member to take charge if possible, as long as they are not part of the problem in the first place. I am sorry you are going through this and hope it all turns out for the best.
Helpful Answer (3)
Report

Worried son, it sounds like the people who were helping her let you down. If they had been going there, they would have let you know APS was involved.
APS would have had a hearing before a Judge. Mom would have had a court appointed lawyer and a professional evaluation before being committed. They would have gotten reports from her MD. Something happened to your mom and your helpers were apparently not helping.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

One cannot contest placement once you are stuck in a facility. You have limited or no access to a telephone and you are assured this is a temporary situation (while the home is possibly being sold to a friend of APS at below market price. And of course, the nursing home resident is not told what attorneys might help or given access to money to pay the attorneys. It is a hellish nightmare. There seem to be no legal safeguards for the elderly, even if they are well educated or have legal experience. APS knows snd says they can do whatever they want.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Well, it's been 42 hours since we first heard from worriedson. Hopefully, he has found answers to his questions. I hope he gets back with us.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

OhMyGod, you are certainly playing the role of Scaremonger today, aren't you?

I'm sorry if you have had a bad experience, but fortunately that is not the norm.
Helpful Answer (3)
Report

Thanks everyone for all the suggestions and kind words. To answer some of the questions asked :
I have been in contact by phone with my mother every day since she had her high blood sugar incident.
This was caused by her staying up too late one day and missing her morning meds.
She was taken to the ER when one of her neighbors came by to check on her.
After her stay at the hospital she was sent to rehab for a week and then dropped off at her house. No follow up.
While at rehab they took away several of her meds. Why I have no idea but the only meds they allowed her to keep where her insulin and her blood pressure meds.
This caused her to feel ill and one of my friends that assists her took my mother to the hospital.
During all this time I was in touch with the doctors and nurses. They would even call me at my office number here in Afgh, to give me updates. I spoke to the case worker at the hospital and she told me that other than my mother being diabetic she see's no reason to keep her away from her home.
Fast forward to now:
New social worker which I have never spoken too until last night.
Believe me when I say that I trust my friend when he tells me that this SW's only motive from day one was to get my mother out of her home and into a NH.
Talking ( or trying to talk without being interrupted constantly ) by this social worker makes it clear to me that my friend is being honest with me.
Every answer she gave me for any of my questions involved telling me to hire a attorney. She would not even give me a number to the probate court.
She also claims she had no idea how to contact me. Very hard to believe since I had called her a couple times and left voicemails on her cellphone. Not to mention the fact that the nurses at the hospitals where she was seen also had my contact info. So too did the 1st case worker my mother had.
I am very sad to say but the more I see what is going on the more it seems to me this is being run as a business and not something with the patients best interests in mind.
Currently I am working on having a close friend petition for guardianship while at the same time seeking legal counsel.
Thanks again every one.
I am sorry if I missed some questions asked of me but I am operating on very little sleep for the last couple of days.
I truly appreciate all the input and advice from every one here.
Helpful Answer (7)
Report

Well, good then. Your mom is being taken care of in your absence and, after all, isn't that the important thing? So, guardianship is a pretty big step.

HOWEVER, before you make that very permanent step, you should read this brochure put out by the state of Texas: http://www.dads.state.tx.us/news_info/publications/brochures/pub395-guardianship.pdf

It explains all the pro and cons of guardianship, the fact that there are different levels and what the guardian can and cannot do. He will, essentially, own your mother and can restrict your involvement in her life should you have a falling out. He will have to petition the court constantly for things and prepare statements. It is work, it isn't cheap, and in most cases is forever.

There are options, many of them are outlined in the brochure. Please read it before you do anything or make any decisions you may come to regret in three months when you return home.

Hope everything works out for you and your mother.
Helpful Answer (4)
Report

txcamper, it IS the norm. It is an incestuous, consistent cycle in Tarrant County, TX, and other counties are catching on.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

well, that's not been our experience and so it's a shame that it's the way it's going.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

In just 4 days of my mother being in the "care" of this nursing home she had a UN-WITTNESSED fall that was so bad she had to be sent to the Trauma center and receive stiches to her face. She looks like she was punched in her face. But yet I am supposed to sit back and relax because she is being taken care of ?................
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Worriedson, I really do understand that you feel anxious and worried about your mom, BUT falls happen everywhere to elderly people...at home she would have fallen and unless she had round the clock aides, no one would have known about it until someone stopped by. An unwitnessed fall requires a trip to the ER (at least in the nh my mother resides in) which I think of as a good thing, because at home, my mother would have fallen and declined being looked over. In my mother's case, she fell getting up from her chair (she had forgotten that she was supposed to wait for assistance). Her roommate alerted staff. Mom thought she had "just slipped". At the hospital, they discovered a serious heart issue had caused the fall and ultimately she needed a pacemaker. Just something to think about. Did the nh call to tell you about this in other words, are they communicating with you?
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

I will not post a picture but this is not a fall. This is a black eye with stiches over her eyebrow. I have no choice now but to fight to get her out of there and placed somewhere safe.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Are you saying you think someone assaulted her? I've seen the results of falls (both elderly and not) that resulted in a black eye. What does your mother report happened?
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

Babalou is right, falls happen everywhere. Ask your mother what happened. Talk to the nursing supervisor or director of nursing. There is a protocol whenever a patient falls, an incident or accident report should be filled out by the staff. I know you're worried, but I have seen many black eyes and sutures on the head following a fall. Have you tried to get in touch with the office of the Ombudsman? If your mother tells you she was actually assaulted by a staff member or another resident, I would be very surprised. Most nurses aids and orderlies are generally good people who are way underpaid for the work they do. To risk harming a patient who has the capacity to report such a horrific crime would be foolish. In my nursing career, I found abuse to be subtle, but these individuals were always found out and fired. Good luck with everything, Sue
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

WorriedSon, if you plan to take care of your mother full-time when you return home, or have friends take care of her, I suggest everyone take some time to reason this section from the Aging Care website.

https://www.agingcare.com/Living-With-Family
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

^^^ typo: take some time to read this section
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Sounds like things are under control or in process at this posting.

I would just add that you need to have a POA to make decisions and you should make sure that PCP, hospital, police, EMT, neighbors and caregivers have your contact info on file + HIPPA signed by mom, and know you want to be involved and can legally make medical and financial decisions for mom.

I know this SW seemed over zealous, but that's their job to look out for welbeing of patient or elder. The first thing they likely asked was who had legal authority POA and HIPPA to make decisions on moms behalf.

Glad you wrote because this is a valuable lesson to all of us distant caregivers.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Hi, I am just going to post one more time on this thread.
I was in my mom's room one day when she was walking unassisted but with a cane, as is her usual habit, between her bed and the bathroom. Her feet got tangled and before I could get to her, she fell, hitting her head on the nightstand. After I assessed her for breaks and cleaned up the blood, DH helped me get her up and into the car, where we took her to the ER. They took a CT scan and checked her over good for breaks, and then had to sew up a cut over her left eyebrow. The plastic surgeon on call did the stitching and today you can hardly see the scar. But her face looked like she went 10 rounds with Mohammed Ali.

Old people have very thin skin and thin blood. They bruise and cut very easily. This fall happened when I was in the room with her, putting clean clothes in her drawers and getting her up and around. Yes, I felt really guilty that I wasn't close enough to try to catch her, but to tell you the truth, she might've pulled me down with her if I had tried. People get old and frail, accidents happen whether or not anyone is watching. We would all like for our parents to live forever (well, maybe not everyone) and certainly we wish for them to be healthy and happy.

If it were possible, I'm sure you would have a job where you weren't so far away for so long at a time. I'm sure you are your mother's biggest advocate. The only way to keep them totally safe from accidents would be to wrap them in bubble wrap and never allow them out of bed. That's not good or healthy either.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do.
Helpful Answer (3)
Report

Sir, What did you find out? Is your mom back home? Any of us could be in her shoes one day.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

One thing about diabetes, you said that the high numbers were because she stayed up late and forgot to take her morning meds. When they took her to the hospital, they most likely did an A1C test on her. If her sugar was controlled most of the time, this test would have shown that. It covers the last three months average blood sugar levels. If they felt she was in such danger that she had to be forcibly removed from her home it was based on much more then her only missing her morning meds, but rather a history of not taking her medication or watching her carb intake. Hopefully everything is ok now, but if you're still over seas you might try to get her home by agreeing to hire a visiting nurse (insurance might cover it) or at least someone who can pop in on her a few times a week to be sure her sugar is under control and she's got the right foods in the house.

Good Luck!
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

You haven't said if u have Power of Attorney for Financial and Medical? If not, I would do it once u are back in the states. A living will and do not resuscitate would be good to. Without the medical no one has to talk to u unless your Mom has put u down as such. This is the law. When it comes to the facility they probably put her where a bed was available. They have a doctor on call. I would have your Moms primary call him to question the med change. I agree, the SW must have thought your Mom was not able to care for herself. Diabetes is tricky and needs to be controlled. Maybe your Mom is not capable at this point. So sorry you have to deal with this so far from home.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Ask a Question
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter