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She is soo stubborn. If the nurse and or home health aide do not call before they come she sends them away, i am affraid they will stop going,she has done this with her physical therapist as well

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Even when Mom lived in her own house all OT, PT and nurses called me. Then I called her. They just confused her.
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Crazy question: does your mom actually remember that someone has called?
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I have the OT and PT my cell phone number do they could call me first. Told them I needed to make arrangements for myself or someone else to be there. This worked great. I also told them that i needed at least 24 hours notice. Then usually know before they leave what day they will be returning. Have them put you in their schedule right then. Emergencies do arise with the nurses and they could not confirm the time until the night before. I was told that many elderly people don't like the early appts. My mom was an early riser so having the nurse make us her first stop was always no problem. PT and OT are on a more ridged schedule and they would usually tell us every tues and thurs between 12 and 1, etc.
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I agree that these agencies call first. With my Mom mornings were bad especially the first weeks. Never knew when they were coming. Told them if I knew could plan around their times. Agencies are used to elderly being homebound but I explained it was my home and I needed a schedule. Between the nurse, aide, ot and pt we got it managed. All called before they came.
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cndypep1, going back over your previous postings on the forums, this problem with your Mom not wanting any type of outside help has been going on for over a year. Maybe it is time for another layer of care, possibly in a continuing care facility. With being in a continuing care facility, she will get the help she needs whether she likes it or not.
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Let her do without the help she needs because she will expect you to fill the bill and she will continue to cancel more and more of their visits because she doesn't want them taking care of her in the first place.
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Another thing you can do is acknowledge that you cannot be, or be held, responsible for your mother's attitude. The worst that can happen, actually, is not that they'll stop coming (it's no skin off their nose if they get paid for turning up and going away again) but that your mother gets charged for an appointment from which she derives no benefit. People's taking offence, your mother's punctiliousness (eye roll), any frustration that any party might feel… not your fault, not your problem.

Also, I agree that what marks out the cream from the rest among professionals working in domiciliary settings is their ability to accommodate elders' foibles. The very best ones will humour her and call courteously ahead.
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I think mom is being sensible. How does she know it's really the aide knocking if they haven't called first? We keep telling our elders not to open the door to strangers, but we want them to be able to figure out that THIS stranger is an aide?
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Not a big deal. Everyone has a cell phone.. Tell them they need to call first..
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My aunt has a schedule as to when the caregivers come. When PT and OT were coming, I needed them to call me to let me know so I could be there to observe and take her to the commode beforehand and after. I liked it when I knew more than a day in advance when they would come so that I could schedule her other appts around their visits.
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i wouldnt stand for it either . your mother should retain control of her life and her home until she draws her last breath . i get irked when i hear people talk about forbidding things , denying access to things or taking control of an elder . you have no lawful right to do that unless you stand before a judge and have the elder deemed incompetent . that is not an easy process and for good reason .
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My mom did not like that they called on the day they were coming. She wanted several days of advance notice (I am not sure what she was planning or had on her dance card that could not accommodate the visiting nurse or PT). She always gave the folks a hard time when they arrived as there "must be a better way to do this". Must of the folks just took it in stride and went on with the program. I was more bothered than they seem to be. Different agencies handle things differently.

I would make sure the agency has specific orders to call first and if not ... you know what will happen...

Just because someone is old and sick and home bound, doesn't mean they shouldn't be treated with courtesy. These nurses and aides are coming into your mom's place and into her personal business and your mom wants warning so she can be prepared. I think you or I would request that at a minimum.

If the dr. orders the services they need to be provided. Check with another agency if available.
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I think it will be easier to convince the paid help to call than to change your mother!
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Make it clear to all PT/OT and other home care personnel, THEY must call first, that is the first item on their work list, or they will have no work (let them know, it's part of their job to call first).
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