Like others who have posted about this condition, my mom (who is in the early stage of dementia) can appear to be almost "dementia free" when she is around her good friends-either when they come to visit or when she goes out to eat with them. She has always enjoyed spending time with friends and I'm grateful that she still does. The thing is, her behavior is so "night and day" from how she acts with me and my family (we are her caregivers) compared to being with her friends, that it's frustrating she can do basic tasks on her own when I'm not around, but when I am she cannot do anything without being prompted, several times usually. When I suggest that she can try to do something, she says that I'm out of my mind if I think she can do "such and such" (for instance, hang up the phone). Another aspect is that her friends will say things like "Oh you should really take your mom on a vacation" or "Your mom told me that she never gets to go for walks" which I would like to reply "You have no idea how she is when you leave!" Getting her to take a walk is always iffy, going on a vacation would cause her so much apprehension that we'd look forward to coming home to recuperate; even motivating her to get out of bed to get ready to go somewhere with us or with her friends is usually a battle as well...her well meaning friends have no idea of the reality.
It's been about a year since we've moved in to help her, and I try to focus on the good things: mom can still live in her home, my loving husband was not only willing to make the move but actually initiated it, the move has helped my MIL to move into our house with her cousin for companionship, I can help my mom with things she needs done for her (cooking, cleaning, laundry, verbal cues for shower/clothes etc., exercising and walking with her, finding things she loses-I tried to have her help a couple of times and it wasn't worth her frustration)- and I can still spend quality time with my daughter. Looking at the big picture and comparing this to the problems others have posted about I see I'm being short-sighted. I would still, however, greatly appreciate any advice or input. Thanks in advance.
If I try to take his arm (I'm learning not to now), he acts so feeble and helpless, but yesterday my daughter asked him if he'd like for her to take him for a ride, and he broke all track records getting to the car. I was so mad!!!
They know more than we think they do. I am not saying that they don't have problems with their dementia, but they can do more and know more than we think, and very often WE are the ones who place all the limitations on them.
We need to back off and let them do their thing. Another example, my husband often gets up at night, usually somewhere between 3:00 and 4:00 and wanders around and fiddles with paper and pen and moves stuff around and opens drawers, etc. I used to jump out of bed and cajole him into getting back into bed, and he made an international crisis out of it everytime I did this. Then my daughter said to me, "So what's the big deal? You don't have to get up! Stay in bed! Let him do his thing. So what if he sits at the table and scribbles on paper or opens drawers and takes things out to look at them? So what?"
So that's what I do now. Eventually he gets tired, crawls back into bed and sleeps for several hours more. He leaves lights on but so what?
Gosh, but I have one smart daughter! :)
its oh I'm hanging in there, oh I'm just fine, oh yeah everything is going along real good. The minute we are alone again it is helpless no talking mother again??? It truly makes me want to scream, So with that being said I wish you luck I don't see how dementia can have such a switch??? Lucky us we were pick to see the worst and not the best good luck and remember you are not alone on this one. Laugh a lot than cry
Mom saw her neurologist on Friday, and he's treating her for major depression. She scored a 13 out of 14 on a depression questionnaire (the only one she answered "no" to was about having suicidal thoughts). I'm very hopeful that the new med helps jump start her interest to do things again. She couldn't answer questions like what year it is, who the current president is, nor remember 4 things after a few minutes. The doc never mentioned dementia/memory loss/etc., although I'm assuming he knew it would be of no value to do so. I imagine my mom is like many others from generations who were "old schooled", and hold a stigma about having memory loss....likes it's something controllable or something of which to be ashamed. Certainly the doc could gauge by her answers and "non answers" where she is with her recall and storage. He also prescribed a different incontinence med, he said that the other bladder med-(Oxybutinin, previously prescribed by my mom's GYN) often causes confusion-yikes!
Good luck to everyone with helping their loved ones. Remember to take care of yourself, as others so wisely stated!
The day after he told her this (Weds, week b4 last), she called me 21 times 'til I answered the phone. I told her I'd make phone calls the next day. Her response? She went to get a pedicure and went gambling.
The reason this situation applies to this thread is b/c she has pulled her "showtiming" w/almost every dr I've taken her to, so my Uncle and I finally took her to the Geriatric Behavioral Unit this past Monday. We spent about 7 hrs in the ER. I won't go into details, but that was handled poorly.
I brought them the Diagnosis Sheet from the NeuroPsychiatrist at The Neuromedical Center I'd taken her to that showed Psychosis w/Delusions, Cognitive Difficulties and Depression.
The next day, a social worker called and said that there was nothing wrong with her. Later that day, I spoke to my Mom's sister (who is also her closest friend). She was kicked out of her sister & brother-in-law's home before she came to live with me (I had 12 hrs' notice). My Mom hates this bro-in-law with a passion. Mom had recently called her sister and asked, "If I buy the poison, will you give it to him?" My aunt said "no," of course. So, I passed this info onto the SW at the hospital. I had also sent them a 3-pg Caregiver's Report that I had prepared for the NeuroPsych for our first visit.
We had a family meeting at the hospital (my uncle & I) with the SW, the psych and the Head SW this past Thurs. First, they said they didn't have to honor my Medical POA because my Mom isn't incapacitated. I intentionally left those words out for this purpose, as every dr my Mom has seen has spoken to me over the phone before or after every visit SO THAT we could speak outside of Mom's presence.
Secondly, they said they could NOT use the NeuroPsych's diagnoses b/c Mom hadn't shown any signs of psychosis and/or delusions, and certainly not dementia.
They downplayed the HOMICIDAL part by saying something like we had to prove that she had the "means" and the "intent" to carry it out!! How much does rat poison cost?? It's probably in her car!!
They said that would submit an application on her behalf to the State to have her admitted to a facility, but they would not use any of her prior diagnoses. They wouldn't even CALL her current SW or NP, who had made home health visits; both of whom have seen various signs of dementia.
This is when Anosognosia (denial of illness) and Showtiming become dangerous, and I am at a loss, b/c she has (so far) refused to sign financial POA over to anyone, and I just found out that she has a PayDay loan out for $1200 and she cashed in her burial policy -- all for gambling. She's still in the hospital.
Also, it sounds like those so-called "professionals" at the hospital need to be written up. When a licensed neuro-psychologist delivers a diagnosis as serious as the one made on your mom, they have no right to cavalierly dismiss it. Threaten lawsuit if you must, but expose those clowns for the incompetents that they are. They sound like lazy SOBs who don't want to be bothered with the paperwork involved with declaring someone mentally incapacitated. Best of luck reining your mom in.
s she does need a specialist.my niece who works for Promises Rehabilitation in malibu said they give their patients seroquel because they wake up upset and have anxiety and other issues. And it helps them feel better and calmed down with out being sedated. Is anyone else familiar with this medication. And thank you all so much for your comments.. Blessings.
I allowed them to alarm her bed and keep her in an alarmed chair because she was getting up to use the restroom (and walking around the facility) without her walker. Two weeks later she wet her diaper in my car. The ones they use are super thin and huge. If not I might not have had a clue.
Can someone become incontinent in two weeks? An observant CNA thought it was odd too, she noticed that my mom came into the facilities wearing panties when she moved in and suddenly she was being called to change her. Unfortunately, she doesn't get the same CNA all the time. I still haven't figured out how the shifts work.
Anyway, that is why I am curious what you have found out about incontinence.
I'm sure that's a worry about your mom falling, so hopefully the alarm works well to get someone there to help her asap. It sounds like you're doing all of the right things by talking to the aides and getting to know the staff. I would call to talk with the nursing supervisor if you have questions about shift changes and to check about getting a copy of the nurses' weekly shift schedule. From the little experience I've had, the nursing supervisors are usually very helpful and responsive to meeting the needs of their patients. As supervisors facilitate and implement, it's a good approach to letting the staff know you're involved with your mom's care. This sounds cheesy, but you might consider taking in something for the nursing station, as a thank you gesture. If you find out any of the staff are bonding with your mom or have done something special for her, I'd make sure to take it in when that staff person is on duty.
BTW- I know how thin those pads can be too, and I'm assuming they're really made for those who have stress incontinence-when only a small amount of urine comes out upon sneezing etc. They are of no use (even 4 doubled up I learned prior to using generic brand of Depends) for those with total urinary incontinence that's for sure.
It might be the change of environment that has your mom off a bit, and I'm sure you're stressed as well. Many posters have suggested making sure their loved ones have their room decorated with things from their home-and that something new isn't better than something familiar. Familiar pillow throws, comforter, shower curtain, pictures, anything that makes them feel more secure. Take care of yourself and good luck with everything.
Believe me, when I've recovered a little from the past 2 weeks, I will be calling a lawyer. Thanks for the encouragement. It's so friggin' exhausting when the people you taken them to for HELP are working against the CG.