Mom is in AL and now under hospice care, her sundowner episodes are becomming more frequent and are very hard on me. She can be very very hurtful. About mid to late afternoon mom becomes very different and very agitated and confused. It is killing me to watch. I can have a good conversation with mom in the morning. But afternoons, wow ,,, it hurts to watch her go through this and she calls and blames everything wrong on me... I explain that I am very sorry that she is confused , her reponse is , yes your sorry your always sorry. So hurtful. It is literally killing me..... What can you do .. I listen and hurt and it is getting worse everyday, I told her I am suffering with her...and I really am
Anyone you can think of.
Remember, she is not meaning anything she says. My Dad has Dementia and told me infront of 20 people that I was not his daughter. I knew that wasn't my Dad talking; that was the Dementia. You have to have a thick skin.
Also, if your mom could; she wouldn't want to have this disease.
DON'T TAKE IT PERSONALLY! Remember the good times.
God Bless You!!!!
Tell the AL facility to text you if it is important.
If you see her getting mean, set boundaries--tell her you want to visit and talk to her, but if she's going to be mean, you will leave, then do it. If she is just scared during these episodes, soothe her as best you can. Distract her, bring her pictures that you can talk about. If she says she wants to go home, talk about the good ol' days when she was at home with you, cooking, baking, etc. As someone mentioned above, take her for a walk if possible (I know you said she was on hospice, so might not be able to), and lastly, if all of this doesn't help her agitation, you might want to talk to the hospice staff, as well as the nursing staff, about maybe getting something in a low dose to calm her down (Ativan, etc.). If she is on hospice and at the end of her life, these continued agitated episodes without relief is not good for her quality of life, and she should definitely have that at this time.
Good luck.