Mom is 86 and has been in Assisted Living for 5 months. They manage her medications, bathe and dress her, and transport her to meals in her wheelchair. I selected a facility that has top of the line aesthetics, a great apartment layout, beautiful grounds, and a good ratio of male and female residents. The field trips are good, I have accompanied her on several. The Activities Director, AL Director, General Manager have all worked with her to encourage her to avail herself of the amenities and activities. Mom says she is not interested in anything they have there and just wants to lie on her couch and watch TV. As we blow through the money each month, I wonder if I should move her to a place that costs 2000 a month less but looks somewhat worn and dreary since she just wants to stay in her room all the time. I have researched several places and interviewed residents so I have a pretty good feel for the level and quality of care she would receive at other places and am sure they are adequate for her needs.
Alternatively, will she hate the new place even more because it's not as posh?
I'm thinking you won't be able to please her no matter what you do...so focus on cost savings (and make sure to figure in moving costs) and also consider what will happen when she needs more care than assisted living can provide (is there a step up in care service...a connected nursing home and memory care that would not cost if she is in the same facility).
Angel
When my parents first moved in I would try to get them to use the van provided for them, go to some events, appreciate the movie theater available to them, the nice grounds, exercise classes.. etc. Every month I would pour over the calendar of events to see if I could get them to participate...in anything.. but to no avail. My dad just wants to "go home".
I would consider moving her and saving money if you are absolutely sure she isn't going to have a change of attitude (didn't happen for me its been 2 years and my parents still have a bad attitude and do not appreciate the amenities).
Is the other place at least clean and safe with available assistance that she will require?
My Dad picked out a very nice IL/AL facility, and I was able to take him there almost every day for social hour [snacks and music] for two weeks prior to him moving in and he seemed to enjoy it, and was even talking to the ladies :)
Once Dad moved in, forget about the social hours, he rather sit in his recliner and watch the local news. Now he does get physical therapy every weekday morning and that tires him out being he is 94, so I can't blame him. He does have his favorite caregiver with him in the morning to get him up, showered, breakfast and lunch, do his laundry... take him to doctor appts, etc. Then his afternoons and evenings are his.
Dad does complain about the cost but I keep reminding him it is less expensive then him living in that big house with around the clock caregivers [he's a fall risk], and the expense of maintaining that house [which is on the market For Sale].
I was taken aback yesterday afternoon when my Dad said he would like to move. Say what? Where? He didn't know. Asked why he wanted to move, and he said the cost and he only has 4 rooms. Told him the cost is similar to other places in the area, and if he could find something cheaper he might need to pay extra for linen service, dinner, the alert pendent, etc.
When I mentioned he might not get the great menu dinners that he now has, that helped him change his mind as the meals are excellent at this place.
One thing I need to do is ask the facility not to send Dad a copy of his rental bill [the original comes to me to be paid from Dad's funds] as he will mull over it and start to complain. It's not easy for someone who was so frugal all their life to see a bill for the facility. They panic that they wouldn't have enough.
After much research I found another lovely, happy and bright place and then brought in a team of amazing aids, who work with mom and dad 24/7. After 1 year at this place, the rent went up (food quality and service went down) and management changed. Sad as it was a good place to start - large corporate owned with many facilities across the US.
I just moved them into a new house, which I rented. I worked very closely with our aids and found a fabulous house in a gated community. We have 6 aids who share a 24/7 load and they all love mom and dad. My parents couldn't be happier.
Yes, there was some confusion to start, but 2 1/5 weeks later, dad says they're living in the best home in their entire life! This was the best decision. It's tough but the quality of care is better than any large facility. They have lots of ways to interact with neighbors too. And as dad says " no more old farts!"
Good luck with your decision. It's a tough job but I consider it a true privilege to be able to help mom and dad enjoy this stage of their life, surrounded by people who love and care for them too.
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