Mom is 73. Since my father passed almost 20 years ago, she's lived with either 'men' or family members. Her entire life with my father, she never had to lift a finger. He cooked and taught us (5 kids) how to cook. We also cleaned and did the laundry from the time we could reach the sink with a chair. She spent her life very leisurely and has never been the loving 'Mom' we should all have. Just very selfish, domineering, and critical.
She's been living with me for 6 months. When she isn't sleeping (which is a lot), she's either watching TV, eating or smoking. That's it. She leaves dirty dishes and wrappers all over the house. She doesn't clean her own room or bathroom. If she does happen to put a dish in the sink (rare) she'll pour stuff like cereal in the sink and not rinse it out. She opens cans and leaves them on the counter top and makes a big mess and leaves it for me to clean up. She doesn't do her laundry either.
When I try to converse with her, she says "Oh well" or "Whatever". My siblings say that means she has dementia, but she's never had any interest in her children. Never. When each of her children moved away from home she never called to ask how we were. When we would call her, she didn't ask us any questions. She acts pretty much the same as she's always been, uninterested in anyone except herself.
When it's just me and her, she makes all these noises like she's in so much pain she just can't do anything. The noises increase while I'm cleaning. But, when anyone comes over, she doesn't make noises and seems fine.
She also refuses to go to any type of doctor (eye, ear, GI). I just don't know what to do. I've asked her to do simple things like unload the dishwasher, etc. She says she can't.
I usually like the idea of aging at home whenever possible, but I wonder if your mother is just going to cause so much resentment that she makes it miserable. Would she be able to afford moving to assisted living? People there will be paid to cook for her and clean up after. If you find yourself opening the garbage a hurling something else in, muttering curse words, it may be time to look for other options. You don't want your blood pressure to be raised every few minutes! It's not healthy for you and I'm sure it is hard on the rest of your family if anyone else lives with you.
She is only 71 so may have many more years to live. I hope she does have a long life, but wouldn't want to see her taking years off of yours. Big hugs. I know what you're going through. (Maybe we should have a group growl.)
She leaves dirty dishes and wrappers all over the place because she knows you will clean up after her. Right? Let her learn to do things herself, eventually she will get up off the sofa while there is a commercial on for Dr. Phil, and put her laundry in the washer. Don't you do it, even if it means she doesn't have one clean article of clothing to wear. If she complains, give her a lesson on how to push the buttons on the washer.
Yes, she will moan and groan why she can't do this or that [my sig other is that way, his Mom spoiled him rotten] because your Mom knows you will do her chores. Let her bathroom become grungy, eventually she will find the cleaner [I stopped cleaning my sig other's bathroom years ago, every couple of months he will clean his bathroom], in the mean time I hide my eye passing by that room.
As for having dementia, it doesn't sound that way. She just wants to be waited on.
That does not happen at my house. She was never invited to live here, she went straight to a home where she is safe and clean.
Just curious, where was your Mom living just prior of her moving in with you? And why did she move in at her young age [she's just a few years older than I am]?
Some people say we are going to get gold stars in heaven. Personally I think they will be brown after all the s#!t we go through. Bless their hearts; I know they can't help it. But bless ours, too, for having to clean it all up. :-P
Probiotics. That made a world of difference. No more diarrhea!!!
See All Answers