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How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
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By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
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V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
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If she forgets then clearly she is not of clear mind, though you don't mention this. If she doesn't remember then you must understand that this is the "dementia" speaking. Set the phone down for the calls, let her vent, disconnect when you no longer hear the voice off in the distance. And that if you simply cannot bear to hear it; otherwise listen, tell her you hope she feels better soon, wish her good night, make a kissing sound and hang up. I agree with Igloo that it sounds as though, with this level of forgetfulness, the time may be just around the corner when Mom will no longer have access to phones, nor understand how to use them, so this , too, shall pass. We often are left with nothing to say on the Forum other than "it's the disease talking". There are some things without a solution or an easy answer. So sorry you are all going through it, as it must be difficult to understand that Mom sundowns and is so distraught in the evening. You may know you could possibly soon be contacted with a request Mom be assessed for something to calm her in the evening; you then enter the dance of medications that may calm, but may also make someone weaker on feet and in danger of falls. Just tough things to deal with, all of it.
MomNE, you & bro need to give some thought as to having mom move into a higher level of care facility for 2022. If she’s doing these things to you, there’s probably also things she’s doing at her AL…… like wandering the halls after lights out, or showing up for meals / activities way ahead of scheduled time, has issues with accurate medication taking….. that the AL will bring up after the Holiday season is over. You don’t want to be blindsided with a 30 Day Notice in her a February bill f you can help it.
you want to be somewhat prepared for that eventuality. If this AL is not part of a tiered community so has an affiliated MC or NH she can supposedly transition seamlessly into, then start your research now. If she’s going to likely need to apply for LTC Medicaid start to gather up or do the documentation needed for it.
Despite knowing it was the Alz causing the behaviour, it was still very hard emotionally to hear.
At first the family took the calls, tried to reason. Then took the calls & ended them as required. Next came letting the calls go straight to message (the facility was staffed so they had confidence staff would call if an actual emergency).
Later on, I believe a spouse may have volunteered to listen & delete the messages to save the 'blood' relative have to.
Is than an option for you?
As I have thought about that tale, it was quite a process of 'letting go'. Not letting go of love or of the person, but letting go of being involved with that behaviour.
PS Geatin has good advice!
My tale related to a person dx with Alz already in a MC setting NOT a person in AL who is supposedly fairly independent & may need more help.
Was your mom recently transitioned into AL? Or has she been in her current residence for a while but this is now new behavior? If this is a "sudden" change in her behavior you should take her to Urgent care to check for a UTI.
If it's not a UTI, and she's calling in the afternoon or evenings she is Sundowning, a common dementia behavior. If she is forgetting about it by morning, I would be concerned about what else she may be forgetting... is she responsible for taking any meds? Is she making it to the meals? I would call the admin to see if they have any useful input to give you. It doesn't help her quality of life to be that agitated every night, so maybe a chat with her doctor to maybe consider meds to keep her calm may be the next strategy. In the meantime, don't listen to anything in her messages or block her calls. Just make sure you are confirming that other things in her daily life are not amiss.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
I agree with Igloo that it sounds as though, with this level of forgetfulness, the time may be just around the corner when Mom will no longer have access to phones, nor understand how to use them, so this , too, shall pass.
We often are left with nothing to say on the Forum other than "it's the disease talking". There are some things without a solution or an easy answer. So sorry you are all going through it, as it must be difficult to understand that Mom sundowns and is so distraught in the evening.
You may know you could possibly soon be contacted with a request Mom be assessed for something to calm her in the evening; you then enter the dance of medications that may calm, but may also make someone weaker on feet and in danger of falls. Just tough things to deal with, all of it.
you want to be somewhat prepared for that eventuality. If this AL is not part of a tiered community so has an affiliated MC or NH she can supposedly transition seamlessly into, then start your research now. If she’s going to likely need to apply for LTC Medicaid start to gather up or do the documentation needed for it.
Despite knowing it was the Alz causing the behaviour, it was still very hard emotionally to hear.
At first the family took the calls, tried to reason. Then took the calls & ended them as required. Next came letting the calls go straight to message (the facility was staffed so they had confidence staff would call if an actual emergency).
Later on, I believe a spouse may have volunteered to listen & delete the messages to save the 'blood' relative have to.
Is than an option for you?
As I have thought about that tale, it was quite a process of 'letting go'. Not letting go of love or of the person, but letting go of being involved with that behaviour.
PS Geatin has good advice!
My tale related to a person dx with Alz already in a MC setting NOT a person in AL who is supposedly fairly independent & may need more help.
If it's not a UTI, and she's calling in the afternoon or evenings she is Sundowning, a common dementia behavior. If she is forgetting about it by morning, I would be concerned about what else she may be forgetting... is she responsible for taking any meds? Is she making it to the meals? I would call the admin to see if they have any useful input to give you. It doesn't help her quality of life to be that agitated every night, so maybe a chat with her doctor to maybe consider meds to keep her calm may be the next strategy. In the meantime, don't listen to anything in her messages or block her calls. Just make sure you are confirming that other things in her daily life are not amiss.