Visited mom in ALF today after two weeks post-transfer nursing/rehab. I listen and try to be empathic. I feel sad for her. She did not eat her dinner or lunch today. I am not certain what to do to make her feel better. I understand she is not happy; nobody wants to be in an ALF or nursing home. But after hip surgery and no progress; non ambulatory and wheelchair bound, I do not know what to do to make her happy. Any ideas??
She's been in a nursing home for two and a half years now and, to this day, she will have nothing to do with anyone (they're beneath her), just lays in bed.
When I was there yesterday she wanted me to wheel her outside and take her for a "walk" ... nope it was windy and cold.
I was headed home to do some outside work around my property. "Can I come with you?" Nope ... we've been through this a million times - she can't sit up or stand, I can't lift her and the NH staff aren't allowed to lift her into a vehicle for insurance reasons.
Her response? "Well, I'll just lay here and wait to die". Sorry toots, I don't buy into your pity party. Her birthday was this month. A few days ago when I visited there was a tea party going on with treats and music to celebrate the month's birthdays. Where was Her Ladyship? In bed waiting, according to her, to die.
You can't help someone who refuses to be helped and just leans on you as the sole source of their entertainment and happiness.
I showed up in a penguin suit once. It was a big hit! My mom didn't care much for flowers - she preferred pizza and ice cream - but yours might like that, you never know. Mom liked getting her nails done, and eventually we got her into some of the activites - of all things, she got a kick out of an Elvis impersonator and a patriotic music tribute outdoors. Before we got a vehicle converted to take her out to eat every now and then, we actually brought her an entire Thanksgiving dinner including the whole turkey I'd roasted (favorite grandson carved) and they gave us a table up front in a nice conference room for it, and we had a special room for a whole family visit one Christmas before we moved her here when the neat little restaurant that was close enough to just wheel her to was closed.
As you pointed out, it's not that the place is bad, it's that she hates having to be there in the first place. You have to balance empathy for her losses and grief which are totally normal emotions that she should not have to deny, with a little bit of healthy or adaptive denial, at least in terms of getting as much pleasure out of life as still possible.