I mentioned palliative care, but she dismissed it because she does not believe in it. She walks very gingerly and cannot stay on her feet for long periods of time. She sits in a chair with her eyes closed and brows furrowed, clearly in some kind of pain. When I offer ideas to help relieve the pain, she refuses because she is skeptical about their effectiveness. Do I let her be and wait for her to finally admit she needs help? Do I mention this to her doctor (who would have to swear to never tell her that I told them)? Will doctors that witness this kind of discomfort insist that she take something for pain or admit her to the hospital - even if she tells them that everything is fine? I have healthcare POA but if I invoke it, our already fragile mother-daughter relationship would fracture beyond repair.
addies, it's clear that living alone and trying to keep up with household chores has gotten to be too much for your mom. She might just not want to admit it. She might be afraid of giving up the control she feels she has. You have sisters. Can someone get mom out of the house for a while so someone can do her laundry and clean up? No one wants to see their parent living like that, you might have to insist on doing a load of laundry and let her get mad at you. Do it in stages if you have to. What's your first priority? Mine would be the feces on the rug. Try to get that cleaned up while mom is gone. Next visit tackle something else. Baby steps. Or you could try talking to her, telling her that you would like her to have a nice, clean living environment and would she please let you make things nice for her. Keep it positive and about how nice it would be for her as opposed to how filthy things are. She may realize that she's let things go and it may scare her. Ease into it.