She has Alzheimer’s/dementia, is usually both cooperative and lucid but recently pleading, manipulating, insisting on getting back into her old bed/ getting up to go to the bathroom. Logic does not help (I know!) But what, outside of drugging her, helps? I’ve tried ‘distraction’, ‘Dr says…’, ‘Tomorrow…’, she’s wise to all of them. Even got her to the edge of the bed so she could see for herself that she can’t stand up. Nothing helps. Anyone have some techniques?
Hospice has a device known as a 'bolster pillow' which attaches to mom's hospital bed; it cups her in place a bit which helps keep her in bed and not able to get out as easily. Speak to your hospice nurse about it; it helped my mother stay PUT in her bed once she lied down in it.
I was not adverse at ALL to medicating mom with Ativan and then morphine as needed when hospice came on board at the end of her life. My only goal was to keep my mother relaxed, calm, and not agitated as she was with her terrible Sundowning and insisting her dead mother and siblings were 'hiding' in the building somewhere but being kept from her. Should I have tried to 'talk her down' from that delusion instead of calming her down with Ativan? She was beside herself with grief and it had to stop. Ativan was the way to achieve that goal b/c with advanced dementia at 95, talking wasn't going to get anyone anywhere. She was wayyyyyyyyy beyond logic at that point in her journey.
My words are not intended to be 'mean' or 'harsh', just to wake you up to what's really going on here. Your mother needs help which comes in the form of medication at this point, at 100 years old and falling a lot, begging for HELP now. Please give it to her.
Is someone there with you? If not, if you can reach out and find others to be with you and your mother 24/7 during these last few days.
You may also want to rule out something organic going on that's caused a sudden change in her behavior, like a UTI or a stroke.
Good luck.
Believe me when I tell you, she can get seriously injured doing this matress or pad on the floor nonsense.
Ask her doctor for sleeping medication and anti-anxiety medication that she can be given as needed. If she sleeps in a hospital bed, put the rails up to the highest position they reach. This will prevent her not only falling out of bed and risking getting hurt, but will prevent her even being able to get out of the bed.
Let her complain, manipulate, plead, and insist all night until she tires herself out and goes to sleep if you don't want to give her medication. She's bedridden. What would be the harm on giving her sleeping medication at night? Or a nice, little benzo drug like ativan or xanax to chill her out a little bit. She'd feel good too. Ask her doctor.
I wouldn’t hesitate to use Ativan or other drugs. My mom used it and it kept her calm while in hospice care.
Don’t you want your mom to be free from worry? The last thing that she needs at this stage in her life is anxiety!
They know what dosage to give her. My only concern was that my mom was comfortable and calm. That’s what I would want for myself if I were in this situation.
Please speak to her staff and ask them to explain everything to you.
Of course, if you feel like there is an adverse reaction to a particular drug, tell them. There are other drugs that can be substituted.
Don’t look at all drugs as ‘harmful.’ They are actually very helpful. We are so fortunate to have different medications available to us.
Our poor ancestors didn’t have the resources that are available today.
Please utilize whatever is necessary to make your mother comfortable and achieve a peaceful state of mind.
I use it myself on an 'only as needed' basis. These days with the new business I don't do any actual client caregiving. Also, I'm only around my mother for limited amounts of time because I have to be in the office. I find I need that medication less and less the more time I spend away from her and elderly people in general.
It's a miracle drug. I would not have been able to work in elderly homecare and maintain my level of care and patience hour after mind-numbingly boring hour with countless elderly people for 25 years without pharmaceutical intervention of some kind. Always by perscription by the doctor.
I encourage any caregivers who deal with elderly people whether it's family caregiving or hired to not be shy about asking their doctor for anti-anxiety medication. People in the caregiving field often suffer from anxiety disorders and depression especially those in it for a long time. Nothing like a nice little benzo to help the client and the caregiver mellow out. Ask your doctor.
They make a device that sounds an alarm if patient tries to get up. Nursing homes and hospitals have them, but I don't know what it's called.
Her brain simply cannot remember than she no longer walks.
I wanted to tell you that my DH aunt, 96, with dementia and on hospice has been bed bound awhile now. Not quiet two years. She did get up and hurt herself when no one was in her room with her. She was able to make a few steps evidently but then fell. She bruised her right ankle the first time and the next time her left ankle.
She has told me that when she wants to get up she will.
Presently she refuses to get up to get into her wheelchair for a shower or anything else. Next week, who knows.
I just wanted to mention that sometimes they surprise us and are capable of more than we had thought.
I’m sorry your mom is upset. Maybe try some therapy or stretches in bed with her to pacify her that she is working on getting up. You might find some instructions on YouTube. Let us know if you find something that helps.
I agree with Lealonnie, why not help her with medications?
#1 You will definitely want to make sure on UTIs, bed sores, other infection. Apple cider vinegar will cure a UTI (1/4 or 1/3 cup hidden in something super sweet. Lower dose will help but not wipe it out). If bed sores, I can walk you through that. Any other pain that needs addressed?
#2 Routine bedtime and no late night talking, sweets, caffeine. Final TV should be something soothing. Maybe soothing music to fall asleep by. That helped my Mom.
#3 natural substances like lavendar in the form of a neck warmer, lavendar stuffed animal, pillow, or lavendar in a diffuser. Chamomile tea at bed time. There are also chamomile tablets for babies, that helped my Mom.
#5 Anything else that makes her comfortable
#6 May be weird for some people (I resisted this at first, but cannabis edibles). You need a reliable brand lke Bon Bombs. No THC. Cbd only. Dark chocolate will help sleep too. So get the dark chocolate cbd only ones. We gave my Mom just a half. At bed time and if she woke up aggravated. She rarely resisted chocolate. She was on to it at times so you have to be nonchalant "IF you'd like some chocolate." Or "I wanted one but not a whole one, if you want the other half."
Hope that helps! A lot of good tips in the other posts about safety, etc. Bless you and best of luck!
I am glad that your mom is resting peacefully now.
What specifically has her hospice care team told you?
Please do not be concerned about her appetite. She isn’t hungry. My mother told us that she wasn’t hungry or thirsty. The aides would moisten her mouth for her but she didn’t want to drink anything.
My friend tried to feed her sister food and water at the end of her life and her sister threw up. The hospice nurse explained to my friend that she wasn’t hungry and that food and water would only make her uncomfortable. People aren’t hungry towards the end of their lives.
My mother took Ativan and Seroquel in hospice. They kept her calm and comfortable. She became unconscious near the end and didn’t wake up. We were grateful that she died peacefully.
Wishing you peace as you continue on by your mom’s side.