She IS Narcissistic. Now she is putting a guilt trip on me. She does NOT understand that I need time with MY friends, and I then reminded her of when I was younger how she would say "Me and your sister are going to lunch" I would always say "I want to go too!" She would then reply "YOU'RE NOT INVITED!" (that hurt like h***). So, I asked a friend at work last night "In the Spring when the weather is good wuld you like to go on a ride with us?" She said "YES!" Made the big mistake of telling my 79 year old mom who IS very active. She has now acting offended cause she horns in on everything I do. I told her we clean firt then we ride. She said then she will not go cause she doesn't want to clean stalls. I said that's all part of it. Now she is acting all hurt. I don't know what to do here. I will not ride with more than 4 people at time. There is already 4 going. Don't know what to do.
I have had to deal with my mom. Me "I'm going to the Como gardens with Jane" mom "I want to go too!" and then the heavy guilt when I say, gently "this time is just with Jane, but I would be happy to go take you some other time" and if she keeps on, which she does, laying years of guilt on my "I'm sorry you feel that way" and I leave. Do this over and over and she will get it. then later I follow up with my mom and make plans with her for the same gardens, and maybe ask if she wants to bring a friend (lots of her friends no longer drive so it is a treat when I take them)
Bottom line - your life, you are an adult, you call the shots in your life.
Next time she asks, I'll tell her I went for coffee.
What about all the times she and dad went out to dinner and left us with a can of spaghetti O's and the Brady Bunch?