I'm looking for advice. My mom and dad were place in a nursing home a year ago. Dad is 92 and mom is 94. They are in a room together. They both experience dementia--mom more than dad.
Mom has had days when she would verbally attack me. Saying that I stole all of her things. She also has moments when she would very angry about me bringing candy to dad. Dad loves Reese's Peanut Butter Cups. Sometimes she is ok with him eating them and other times she pitches a fit saying they give him cancer. In the past it has been a day of this and then she'd be ok for a few day.
The last 3 times I have went, she has verbally attacked me. One time she hit me. One time she threw things at me. Again she is saying I stole things. One of the items I stole was her glasses which I showed her were laying on her table. I have not been back in a few days because it is upsetting and I do not want to be attacked again.
Has anyone else experienced this and how did you handle it?
Your daily visits to the nursing home are in direct conflict with self-preservation. Could you consider dialing it back to 1x or 2x or 3x per week?
Declining parents can and will suck the life right out of you. It’s time to make self-care a priority.
Less “face time” does not mean you love your parents any less. It means that you are an adult with your own life and your own needs. There’s nothing wrong with honoring that.
When you visit Mom, it goes without saying that you need to be cautious and very aware of her mood. If it’s continually a bad one, ask the staff if they can bring your father to the common room for a visit, and bring him all the Reese’s you can carry. (Those are my favorites too!) Have you reported these attacks to the staff? They need to know so they can supervise Mom around Dad.
I’m sure you’ve considered having Mom re-evaluated and having her meds adjusted.
How often do you visit? Can you say "mom, I need to leave now; I'll come back when you're feeling better".
Her brain is broken but it's hard not to take her verbal attacks personally. Protect yourself from her when you need to .