My mom is in assisted living and is refusing showers and help changing her diaper. She wants to die. She is mean and verbally abusive to anyone who comes in the room including us. They are saying she needs to maybe go to some other place. Where is she supposed to go?
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Good luck to you.
She cannot be in ALF because they are not staffed to handle these situations, and because residents living in ALF are for the most part able to function well and peaceably for the greater good of all, with communal meals, and etc.
Your mother now needs either MC or a nursing home and you should see the administration where she is to see if they have options on their premises that mom's assets may cover.
If not she will need a nursing home almost certainly.
Now step one before all of this may be transfer to the hospital.
If this is new behavior then reasons for it, including UTI, must be ruled out, and there should be some medication or medication cocktails that may help her.
I would consider whether transport to the ER now is an option.
So sorry. If you are on Aging Care for a while you will know how common an occurrence this is.
If she doesn't have a UTI...
Are you her PoA? If not, does she have one? If so, this person needs to be notified that they need to step in. Hopefully the PoA is activated.
If your Mom on meds for anxiety/depression/agitation? If not, it seems this is the time to have that conversation with her primary care doc. This is where the MPoA comes in.
https://www.agingcare.com/topics/169/urinary-tract-infection-uti