My mom is 93, in fairly good health and still lives in her own condo, even though she is legally blind and has mobility issues (i.e. needs to use a walker all the time). I am her primary "go to" person for grocery shopping, doctor appointments and anything else she needs.
In the past few months, she's developed this habit of freaking out if she calls my home and I don't answer the phone right away. She'll leave a voice-mail and start calling around to different relatives to see if they know where I am. The most recent incident was the other day. I was in the shower. She called and left two voicemails within 20 minutes. When I returned her call, she was all agitated...she said she thought I'd been in an accident. She even got out her rosary and started to pray. I told her that I was fine; I was just in the shower. I again told her that it's not good for her to get this upset. She tells me I don't understand...I've never been a mother. Then I point out that she never did this until just a few months ago. I try to get her to explain why she's doing this all of a sudden, and she changes the subject.
This behavior makes me feel so uncomfortable...like I can't even take a shower for fear that she'll call me and go haywire if I don't answer the phone. Does anyone else have this issue with a parent?
My brother, 66 and also retired, lives 20 minutes away. Before he was retired, he would hardly ever even call mom...sometimes two months would go by before he'd call. He hardly ever helped out with her. It always fell to me and I was deeply resentful. Now that he's retired, he's doing a lot more and filling in for me when I'm too busy to take mom on errands. But he's useless in dealing with mom's emotional needs.
As for me, I'm 58 and I run my own business. I absolutely love what I do, but it's not unusual for me to work seven days a week for two or three months before taking a weekend off. At this point, I haven't had a day off since January 1. Yet, my schedule is flexible enough to help mom out most of the time. However, I get darn tired and emotionally drained trying keeping my business going and attending to mom's needs. And I have struggled with anxiety issues for years. Such is my life.
I have 2 brothers, one is not very involved, but the three of us all agree that life needs to go on. Mom has been declining since 2009. We refuse to put our lives on hold and we each take at least a week twice a year to go no contact; either by going away or just being unavailable. We all have high stress jobs and getting away from stress is simply a necessary part of one's mental and physical health.
There are many ways to work this out, facility respite, paid caregivers coming into the home. One third of all caregivers die before their charges do. Just do it.
I don't suppose your mom will go for a physical and get on a sedative? She would be much better off.
She drove my sister to an early death and is now, chipper, clean and loving life in the nursing home. She will be 96, in March.