Mom will not give me more details other than it was an envelope left in her door with a contact card with a name and number. She doesn't want to call them. Is this normal welfare check or do you suppose someone has called and reported something? She wouldn't give me the number to call. Is family services the same as APS?
She could use the help and lives alone and refused any outside help, services, or consideration to moving to AL or other.
I am traveling up later this week to check on her, but just curious as to what this means and why the note would be in her door vs. in the mail or them remaining and knocking on the door until she let them in. (Though she's suspicious of everyone and likely would ignore opening the door).
Both my parents are the same way with their home, no strangers. Dad has always been the handyman around the house and even now at 93 he still thinks he can handle any chore that is put in front of him, even cleaning gutters.... I use to grumble that he should hire someone, but now I yet let him do what he wants.... and I hope I don't hear my parent's address on the EMT scanner :P
Back to APS notice. Well, as I suspected they did little to no follow up. Thank god mom is doing fine; but if she weren't -- I would have not faith in this town's family services. Here's what i found out.
Mom had just a card in an envelope left in the door with hand written note to call appearing on the envelope.
Mom called the person on the card (surprise!). "Mom said they just wanted to move someone in her house and she was NOT having a stranger move into her house". THat was about it.
WHile I was there; another envelope arrived in the mail from "family services". Mom opened and there was a cover letter indicating a case number and the case worker. It was a form letter in which a box was checked "Case closed"; typed comment: "Client refused services".
No personal visit; no nothing.
Luckily mom is okay -- BUT I thought how can someone close a case without placing a home visit to a 91 yr old. How does this case worker know mom is not "toileting on the floor"; has no food, no heat, water doesn't work, ceiling falling in, etc. -- Any senior could say anything or anwer questions any way they want -- but unless you visit them or observe living conditions, you can't make an evaluation.
I'm not saying that is their job exactly; but if a senior has been reported and you take the time to drive to their house; you would at least make an appt and do a home visit.
Dissappointing; but not surprised.
The good news is that I felt good about mom, she is managing and we had a nice visit. I would like her in AL where I could be confident she was being "overseen" and had company, regular meals, etc; but she chooses to stay barracaded in her home without "anyone in her business" and I guess as long as she is still managing I will have to accept it. We did visit an AL close by (mom was at least curious) so that is a step; though she admantly said the next day she didn't want to live there until she couldn't do for herself at all; then she'd move there. I know that means NH at that point; but I kept my mouth shut.
Bottom line; her town is worthless.
I would also be careful staying with your mom. If you are living under the roof with her and know she is not capable to take care of herself, then you leaving her there in that condition might be problematic. Maybe I'm too cautious, but I would look into what liability and responsibility you have by staying with her and then walking out.
Call them tomorrow. It should be an interesting conversation and an opportunity to express your concerns. Also make sure you tell them of all of your efforts to influence your mom to change her living situation.
Should I fill them in on her situation in advance or let them talk to her first? She has been known to lie to drs, police etc and tell them I live up the street, she has family nearby, dr visits her at her home, all untruths, but then nothing happens, no supports get put in place etc. they allow her to continue along.
Sorry, I can only hope that this leads to getting her to accept help to improve her quality of living.
This could be a wonderful opportunity to set mom up with some services. Depending on her situation, she may find out she's eligible for greatly reduced or even free services from the Council on Aging.
When you visit her, try to copy down that name and phone number. Call them on the down low, arrange an appointment and plan on being there at the appropriate time.
I'm supposed to be POA but she won't let me see a notarized copy nor do I have one, only a copy that was never notarized. Don't ask, we've been blue in the face over this one.
My fear is this is just an investigation leading to no change. I would love to get a call saying your mom needs to move and we could get her in AL. She won't accept in home care, been there and it was a nightmare and failure.