Mom is losing her memory, in bad health and lives alone. I feel she is a danger to herself. She is currently being seen by a pain mgt doctor, spinal issues and long term prescription drug use. Smokes, has poor nutritional habits and is getting more confused daily. She has extreme outbursts and overreacts to most things. She does not trust outside help and makes it difficult to be around. My life has been on hold for several years now and I need help.
There has to be a crisis or an emergency event. An ER visit that can open the door to time in rehab and then a placement in the right kind of care.
KEEP A JOURNAL. These records are your life line to establishing a history of decline and lost ability to live without help. Otherwise, social workers and doctors have to assume all this is "recent and new".
It doesn't have to be a long journal. Just jotted notes from what you see and hear during phone calls and visits. "Mail piling up; mom refused to let me sort it." "Dishes from last week still not washed" "Bathroom smells like urine" "Med bottles in lots of drawers in kitchen and bathroom" "Food in fridge rotten"
The enormity of the situation will creep up on everybody until it's REALLY bad. It's hard to get traction on this stuff with authorities when the parent has a reputation for being difficult, odd, weird, strange, mean, etc. anyway.
Try to track it to the ADLs and IADLs. If you google these, you will get an endless list of different inventories of skills needed to do basic self care and the ones required for independent living. I promise, this will get the attention of the right people.
Family can intervene earlier: 1) by getting a second opinion and, 2) consider what would have happened if you saw her in her chair (more passed out than asleep) and you did not help, but a neighbor saw her or 911 was called.