About 3-4 times a week my mom REFUSES to go to bed at her 9:00 pm bedtime. She won't get in her wheelchair. We've tried turning off the TV, letting her watch 15 minutes then coming back (which sometimes works), but most times she is adamant about not going. It takes about 45 minutes of talking, some yelling (I know that's bad). Once we do get her in bed within 3 hours she tries to get up. We have bed rails surrounding both sides of the bed. Does anyone have any ideas? I would really like to keep her at home but she is getting increasingly difficult to take care of.
I like Ishep's routine. Melatonin is one of the external factors that can modify one's internal clock. OTC sleep aides are not a good idea. Giving her mom melatonin and then going thru a bedtime routine seems to work well with her mom. There are also very inexpensive prescription drugs that can help, call her doctor to get advise.
I don’t really care what time she goes to bed BUT I do care about a wet bed just because she can’t be bothered to go change. It makes extra work for others. I tell her to change then go back to watch tv. But she knows (and I know) once she gets close to that bed, she’s ready to lie down.
Im not with her each day but when I am, I notice in the morning she will be crabby and not want to get her day started if she stays up late. Another day she might head to bed at 7 or 8, put on her pjs and handle it all very well. Her aide has started coming at 8:30 instead of 8 to give her a little longer before she starts with her meds. The aide normally works until 11, now 11:30. If aunt doesn’t get up, it defeats part of the reason the aide is there. So, I understand OP wanting her Mom to go to bed. 9 would be too early for sure for Aunt but it’s almost 1:30 am right now and I can hear her tv.
DH is thinking of putting a timer on the tv to go off at 11.
He has a remote for it and will stand where she can’t see him and turn it down and sometimes off. She just thinks it went off on its own.
I think it’s one thing to have the right to go to bed when you want to but if you are depending on someone else to help with ADLs, then that’s where one persons rights bump into someone else’s so bedtime must be negotiated when living space is being shared.
And it is nice to know that all the chores have been done for the day and to have a little time to relax before bed.
Then ask her doctor to prescribe a sleeping medication that can be put into food or drink. Give her snack or a drink about 30 minutes before you put her to bed. That should help as well.
All the best
And as an afterthought, have you tried giving her some Melatonin about a half hour before you want her settled in? If not, you might to give that a try. Wishing you the best.