My Mom lives alone in Florida and she is in the early stages of dementia. My brother and I live in Illinois. My mom has dementia and her memory has gotten worse she talks about things that never happen. Things that happen years ago she thinks just happen. I'm afraid her finances are a mess. We have tried to get her to move back to be close to her family. But she refuses and gets angry. She won't let anyone help with her finances. I live so far away I don't know what's going on and I don't know how to help. She is a very stubborn women and argues over everything. I would appreciate any advice.
My LO used to be that way with being stubborn and not allowing anyone to check her finances, but then she went downhill to the point that once I walked into her house, she changed. She didn't protest at all. It was as if she didn't even notice what was going on in the same room.
Mail was all piled up on the table and in the mailbox. Insurance had lapsed due to nonpayment. There was little if any food in the fridge and it was spoiled. She was dehydrated and needed medical care. Her sheets were filthy. It was a bad situation. The cousin she had been talking to on the phone didn't know the extent of it.
I would suggest you get someone to go into her home and survey the situation as soon as possible.
When I saw how bad it was, I made a doctor appointment and told her she had to go for insurance reasons for a check up and to get her paperwork processed. She didn't resist. Then the doctor asked her questions about different things and found that she had significant memory loss and was not able to live alone. She completed a form that is required in our state that states what her needs were. That was provided to the Assisted living facility to get her admitted.
Does she have a Power of Attorney? If so, locate it. If not, you're going to have to do more work. There is lots of advice on this site on how to approach that, but since you are out of state, you may need to consult with an Elder Law Attorney.
If your Mother doesn't take their advice, then it will be her choice to remain in her current home, thus she needs to take responsibility for that choice. Of course, as the daughter you and your brother will worry yourself sick wondering how she is doing. And that doesn't seem fair.
Depending on your Mother's age, if older Florida was always advertised as being THE place to retire. How long has your Mother been in Florida? Is she in a retirement community? Does the community have a "continuing care" facility where she can live and still feel like she is part of the community?