Mum so far has been ok re memory etc... the last few days ive noticed shes getting more forgetful asking what we had for dinner silly things.
She agreed a few weeks ago to get POA done and now since her diagnosis shes refusing to talk about it?
NOW my sis who lives abroad is insisting shes made POA even jointly i cant even be in same room as her and dont want to have any dealings with her over mum.
Also I think my sis is manipulating mum behind her back on the phone? when I said to mum about POA yesterday she said leave me alone ill do it at the end of the month BIZARRE my sis is here at the end of the month??
My mum said a few weeks ago that she wanted me and my brother (we are the only 2 living in this country and could pay her bills choose NH etc..)
I think either my mum just dosnt think shes got dementia and is in denial OR my sister has gotten to her and shes waiting for her to come over??
I am worried now as mums memory is getting worse and we may not get it on time?
I am drained from asking her about it and dont want to seem pushy but if we didnt get POA her house will be frozen and we wouldnt be able to even get her into a NH?
So drained everyday a major problem just dont want to get out of bed anymore until its all over!
Also here if you have no money and a parent needs to go into a NH she can go into the state run facility which is not great care wise if we want her to go into a private NH well run knowing she will get the best of care then they take her in and her house is put up as payment you pay the NH when the house is sold in the meantime they take about 15 per cent for 3yrs care and up and up. She cannot get this "fair deal" without POA as if she is deemed incompetent her assets are frozen pension aswell.
Thats why its important so she gets the best of care in the best home we can find I dont care about money its her house and she worked all her life for it and deserves the best NH and if we dont have POA the state decides where she goes and we have no say.
they are trying to change the law here re dementia and POA but for now its like this.
Mums lawyer will not discuss POA with me only her on her own which is fine I got the impression that she didnt want to know about siblings and the mess this family are in? but maybe she will discuss this with mum on her own.
Until my mum agrees to start the process my hands are tied if my sis is up to something then I will not go Joint POA with her and will have to walk away. I cannot care for my mum without this as its just stupid and dosnt make sense to have someone else pay her bills food when Im doing this the past 4yrs?
Anyway thanks for advice its confusing when we are in 2 different countrys but I think POA is basically the same everywhere.
Also my mum would rather die than let a NH have any money from her house and has said this. Thats fine then if she loses her mind we have no say where she goes?
The thoughts of my mum in a state run NH that dont have the best care frightens me
My mum now refuses to discuss it but before wanted me and my brother as joint POA its not necessary just in case one of us dies I suppose?
I think my sis is up to no good as you may have seen she tried to buy mums house only a few weeks ago luckily she was refused by banks here as she lives abroad. I told my older bro and hes disgusted and said I do not trust her as POA and that i should have it as im here and caring for mum. I am worried as I would not cope with this big house re bills etc... if mum is deemed incompetent. Here if no POA is signed and mum loses her mind her pesnsion and assets are frozen by law and she will be made a ward of court meaning that she can be put into a state institution and we would be in serious trouble as couldnt use her house for NH and would have to go to court to battle it out?
Are you planning to use a lawyer in drawing up the POA and other documents? Given that there is family conflict that might be worthwhile.
The end of the month is just a couple of weeks away. It may make sense to handle this while your sister is here. See if you can get an appointment with an Elder Law firm for that time period. If you are all sitting in the same office at least there will be no behind-the-back activity and everyone will know where they stand.
It doesn't make sense to me that someone living abroad would be POA, but of course it is your mother's choice. It also does NOT make any sense to appoint joint POAs. That is a disaster even when everyone gets along.
I don't understand how not having POA will make her house "frozen." Could you explain this concern?