Mom has Alz, she's had a stroke which caused a huge hearing problem. I spent $4,000 on the state of the art hearing aids. She refuses to wear them. I have a speech impediment b/c I was born w/ Cerebral Palsy. The last time I visited Mom, I totally lost my patience w/ her. She keeps saying "TALK LOUDER" which is something I cannot physically do. Advice?? Mom is well cared for in an Alhz, unit of an assisted living facility. From what I read, she is late stage 4/early 5. How often should I visit her?
My mother also has hearing problems sometimes, but hears perfectly sometimes. I think dementia is setting in. Sometimes her brain is engaged and she hears, and sometimes her brain is tuned out. Then sometimes, it seems like it is the tone of your voice, i.e. high pitched vs deep pitched.
My husband, who has early onset dementia, doesn't always understand or seems to not hear me. Can't blame old ears. With dementia, the line blurrs between not comprehending and not hearing, and hearing aids don't fix comprehension.
Besides, technology isn't always that great. I'm in my 60s and need to wear progressives, but they bother my migraines. I wear bifocals, but they don't cover all the ranges I need. I can only imagine the complexities that go into hearing all the different sounds, i.e. loud/soft, high/low, background, etc. Then factor in a brain that is not working correctly, and you have quite mess.
Mom (97 with dementia) made it clear long ago that the problem with her hearing is ours and not hers. So I talk as loud as I can for as long as I can and then just tell her I can't shout any more and put my hand over my throat. Generally, she nods that she understands.
Perhaps wearing portable karaoke equipment would work. I looked on Amazon and they have a "Singing Machine" for $45.95. Tempting.
Bottom line: Do your best, with love, and then let it go. Blessings for peace in this trying situation.
So flash forward a decade and that wax had cemented itself into her ear canals. Only surgery would be able to remove it, and at 97 years old that's not an option. Mom was her own worst enemy when it came to ear care, but she rather blame the hearing aid company and/or the tech trying to fit her to the hearing aid... [sigh].
MY husband has solvent dementia HOWEVER he learned ASL to communicate.
I start to miss my mom if I haven't seen her for a week or so. I feel a prick of conscience if I haven't seen in two weeks.
It would be VERY frustrating not to be able to talk to Mom. Mine is having decreasing hearing and that is hard to deal with. I sit on her "good" side, get her attention, speak directly to her, and repeat the words she doesn't get. It's hard.
But I still love her, she's still my mom, I still want to be with her regularly.
If the hearing loss is causing you a lot of stress and frustration and you think cutting down the number of visits would help, give it a try. Or visit when you can be with her without a lot of talking. Sit with her during a movie, or bingo, or some entertainment. You can hold her hand or put your arm around her shoulder or just smile at her.
Can your mom still read? I wonder what would happen if you went in with a white board and marker, with "Mom, I have a sore throat today. I will write my answers, OK?" Might that relieve some of the stress?
I don't think the hearing situation is likely to improve. I hope you can find some ways to still be present for you mother in ways that aren't too stressful for you.
That would only work if the rest of the staff at the continuing care center would do the same thing.