My mom has a new home health aide that stays overnight. Tonight she told me that the caregiver pushed her arm and hurt her wrist earlier in the week.
I tried to talk to her about the details, but the story was wrapped up in another story, about the care giver taking her for a ride, and her going to a room that seemed like a jail, which definitely didn't happen. (She has moments that admits that she is not sure if this part really happened - she is aware she had dementia). Parts of my mom's story are true (e.g.: she said that the care giver doesn't sleep as if that's a bad thing - but the care giver really does try to stay up for a good part of the night. She said the caregiver spoke contemptuously about other clients - that might have happened. The caregiver did share a story with me about her other clients, but in her version, the family had treated her poorly, and she didn't speak contemptuously of them.)
The caregiver isn't coming to stay overnight again until Sunday, so I have a little time to think about what to do.
So, how to respond? The caregiver comes from an agency who has always sent us solid folks, but she is new. I will follow up with the caregiver, but should I follow up with the agency as well? If it didn't happen, is the situation ruined and we need to find another person? (My mom says she can't remember the story, but she does remember the push). Or by tomorrow will it all reset, as many things do with folks with memory loss....knowing that it could come up again?
My mom is often suspicious, and has fantastical stories, but this is the first one about someone physically mistreating her. My mom didn't tell me this earlier in the week and we did speak several times, and the caregiver has been there since then. The family friend did tell me about a situation with the caregiver, but my mom's story to the family friend was that the caregiver was crying and was upset about her family. Nothing about pushing, or her wrist being hurt. I will follow up with them in the morning.
We are only using the caregiver for about 6 weeks, until my mom is scheduled for knee surgery - after that she will transition to rehab and then remain in their long term care faculty. So, this isn't a long term issue.
Has anyone had this happen? Even if it didn't happen to you, how would you respond?
As for your mom's allegations that the caregiver pushed her arm and hurt her wrist, instead of pussy-footing around with the caregiver to try to suss out what actually happened, if anything, just ask the caregiver. Tell her what your mom said and see what the caregiver has to say. Don't be accusatory, just ask. Between wheelchairs and walkers and mechanical beds and Hoyer lifts and all kinds of other contraptions I've probably pinched fingers, knocked elbows against the wall, gripped arms too firmly if I thought someone was going to fall, lowered a bed rail when someone's hand was in the way and any other number of things. I've also placed my patient's safety ahead of my own on several occasions to keep someone from falling and walked away with a pulled muscle or a painful backache.
Talk to the caregiver. Give her the benefit of the doubt.
If I wanted proof to support an agency report then I would respond by placing a voice activated recorder (or two) in the house during the next overnight and then review the recordings. Assuming you are your mother's POA, such recordings would be legal and admissible in court if you are in a single party consent state or your state has adopted exceptions for venerable persons; check with a lawyer. Even if you never report the recordings to others, they could give you personally enough confirmation to pass your mother's allegations on the agency.