How can I get mom to stop sending money to mail-in sweepstakes? She refuses to believe they are scams!

These posts are very informative. A fellow church member and I have recently become caregivers to a couple with Alzheimer's. Tracking their mail and their responses to the mail is getting increasingly complicated. As has been stated above, stopping the mail is a preferred solution. Another concern is that on occasion door to door sales people show up and whatever they're after, the couple will respond to their request. Any suggestions on how to stop that behavior? We're trying to get them into an assisted living facility, but that's a slow roll since both have the disease and their finances are not the best.

Thank you.

My mom went through this phase, wanting to send money to everybody and their brother that sent an ad through the mail...I just started tossing that mess and giving her the rest. Problem solved.

Just try to limit her mail and maybe say you are mailing things for her and take out the cash or checks she is sending-maybe get your name on her checking accounts or limiting the amount of money she can have each month to send or get her interested in some other activities.

My mom's dementia is so bad that she is in assisted living now and all of her mail comes to me.
BrothersKeeper, DO WHATEVER YOU CAN!! You are an awesome person to help your fellow church member!!
I questioned whether it was "morally right" for me to lie to my mother to protect her and I came to this conclusion: What is my motive? Well, my motive was to not have her ripped off, so I did everything I could. I suggest you do the same. If you have to lie to them, do it. If you have to divert their attention, get others' involved in the lies, then do it. What is your motive BrothersKeeper? To me it's human kindness. Again, you are an awesome person!! Get them in to AL as quickly as possible and have the mail go elsewhere.

Thank you Karen P for a real-life response. We're working the AL issue, but it's difficult when you have the husband and wife affected by the disease. In some instances, one of the two has to be able to smoothly conduct the challenges in daily living. Nevertheless, we plod on knowing there will be an answer in due time.

As for salespeople coming to the door, how about posting that sign "No Solicitation." Maybe also buy a "fake" camera and have it aimed at the front door? As a salesperson, they usually scan the place as they walk up to the door. Seeing the sign, and seeing the camera, they know that they may be videotaped. No guaranty it would work but it might give them some hesitation.

Father was like that, too. Knock on the door, and he just answered it without asking who it is. He gave a total stranger his car to "fix the air con." The guy took the keys and never came back with the car. Dad didn't even know the guy's name. He also hired this stranger to build our front porch. I tried to interfere and father told me that I know nothing and to keep out of men's business. So, he paid the guy the full $10,000.00 and the guy never completed the project. He tried calling the guy, and never found him. He even sold my mom's property for $30,000 (that's where the $10,000 for the porch came from) - way below the market value. Again, I tried to interfere.. and was told to shut up because I know nothing. He was starting to go down the dementia road but it was not so obvious - to me - at that time.

Yes, you do have to worry about the people who come to your door. If possible, hide all their credit card/bank statements. this way they cannot give that info to strangers. Father gave his checking account info over the phone to a salesperson. I found it when I was reconciling his bank account. I had to take him to the bank because only he can stop payments. It was an automatic monthly deductions. The nice lady banker lectured him. He learned his lesson very well. (I did tell him not to tell people this info but ... as usual, I know nothing.) Now, he is very paranoid when people call him on the phone. When they try to get his mailing address, etc.. he absolutely refuses to give it.

boolluvr, you have some wonderful suggestions for BrothersKeeper and I would add to the notice on the door suggestion. Add to it something like "you are being recorded (and maybe have an arrow pointing upward to the fake camera) and this recording will be given to the police" or something like that. DO WHATEVER YOU CAN. That's what I did and I don't regret it one bit. There are probably some uneducated naysayers who would argue it was wrong of me to lie to my mother or lie to others to protect her, but I don't care. I did what I did for priority number one, my family. And I'm proud I did. You will be too. Does the couple have any family who can intercede/help?

Thank you very much bookluvr and Karen P. These are noteworthy suggestions. We will post a door sign ASAP. The camera idea may take a bit longer, if we can get it done at all. The couple has no children and no other family members in the area, thus our intervention.

I certainly understand your situation as my mother has been in this same sinking boat for almost 3 yrs now. I called elder abuse who referred me to elder affairs who referred me to the state attorney's office who referred me to yet another worthless agency to call or should I say pass the buck to. I have written letters to everyone from the fraud dept. The US Attorney General & postal inspector in D.C. & the same in Florida & Miami-Dade County, all to no avail. My efforts were a total waste of my time, postage & effort. All I got was a phone call from an agent named Kathy from the US Postal Inspectors office fraud unit against the elderly-yet another joke & waste of time. All she did was tell me things I already knew & scaring me even more by telling me to check if my mom has taken out a reverse mortgage on her home & if she hasn't yet she definitely will. In short there is no way to stop these cockroaches. Once they get in they are almost impossible to get rid of forever. My mom has neglected herself by being so obsessed with this junk mail. She fell & broke her femur & is in a nursing home. She gets over yes OVER 100 pieces of mail EVERY DAY!!!! If I happen to miss a day of taking the mail out of the box the mail carrier leaves a bucket on the porch filled with mail. Out of all the mail I've gone thru not one piece has any value they all want money & living on a fixed income there isn't much to go around yet they make sure they get every dollar & she's overdrawn every month. Sadly there is no help & no solutions until God's judgement day.

Karen you are not alone. My mother is exactly the same way. I too am an only child. I can't do anything right. The only difference is I live with my mother. I feel like you do at least once a week. The only thing that has gets me through the day is my faith. I'll pray for you.

I had to get a P.O. box. No help from USPS. I sent boxes of these mailings to US postal inspectors in Chicago. I was told to write refused on letters. It was the warning for dementia. My mom is now in a nursing home. There is a five year look back at her spending. No one but me cares about the thousands of dollars she sent to these scams. Good luck.

Eileen -if you are applying for Medicaid I wonder if you mentioned the large amounts of money she sent to the sweepstakes companies they would get into trouble or if that would just make things worse for her-they should not be allowed to get away with these scams.

My Mom Is doing is playing the sweepstakes also. She sends in 25.00 at a time. She has lost 4000.00 and maybe more with such scams. She has at least 3 to 5 calls a day trying to get more money to receive a check. She has given out her account numbers, went to wal mart to get some kind of money gram etc... I have called the police and they came over to talk with her. I have called her doctor and he has done nothing, I have called adult protective services and they can do nothing. I know my mom is lonely and she loves talking to these people. I can't even get her to come see me because she thinks she may miss out on a big delivery. wow...You can't take over persons finance if the doctors says they are sound of mind. Anyone want to offer a class for seniors and scams?? My mother is in Sacramento ... I would sign her up in a heart beat.....

There's probably nothing that can be done for scams coming from overseas, but for those coming from the US, there really does need to be harsh penalties.
If there was a woman (most likely would be a female) senator/congresswoman who would champion this cause, they might be able to enact a law to make it easier to take over governership of the person's finances and mail. This is an epidemic!!

Dealing with exactly the same thing with my mom. I don't live close enough to bring her the important mail. But I will get her mail forwarded to me asap. Most of these "companies" don't have any contact info except a po box to get their money. Mom had her social security check diverted unsuccessfully this month. I cannot monitor her phone conversations, but several of these folks call from Jamaica, and one of them actually changed her number for her TWICE! Take matters into your own hands I say. Now mom is having to visit Social Security to get her checks back. These people have no scruples. Once I get all the mail sent to me, I will contact all the ones I can, and threaten them with lawsuits. Some are companies offering "materials" to help people win the lottery. It definitely is about loneliness. Getting mom involved with some activities will help for sure. It's just that this is now obviously an addiction, and you will likely have to treat it as one. I was actually successful with one of the "companies" because they had a phone number I could call. Once I called and explained about mom being diagnosed with Alzheimers (cognitive impairment is just as bad because it mean she is unable to discern for herself), they called me back and offered 500 bucks. That's when I knew I could get back all that she spent with them. I demanded they really put things right if that was their intention, and asked for a statement of mom's account from her first interaction with them. Within a few days I had that, and a check for over a thousand dollars. Also, I was just told about this site http://www.stopfraud.gov/ Still exploring it myself, so don't know what good it will do. Sending you strength.

PS: http://www.ncea.aoa.gov/Stop_Abuse/Get_Help/State/index.aspx

Vernon...do you understand that what your brother did is a federal offense??? You just can't take it upon yourself to start intercepting someones mail unless you have POA for that person.

Beware. Someone named sarah8777 just posted a private message to me on this thread trying to scam me with a version of the famous Nigerian Scam! Unbelievable on a site where we are trying to help our parents avoid this type of thing that someone would try this

I reported Sarah8777's post on another thread minutes ago. Anyhow, I admit I haven't read this entire thread, but will comment anyhow. That's what you do when you're up way too late at night. It's hard to cut off the influx of scams. But the problem is really with the vulnerable victim. The mild cognitive impairment diagnosis is way too gentle sounding. When you're there you're already screwed up in your thinking and I believe the stats are that about 5% of people with MCI go on into dementia each year. So if someone has that gentle diagnosis, there's a chance that they are deteriorating all the time. Figure out how to protect them on the phone, internet, and US mail as if there were a thief in your home. There is. Do whatever it takes.

Martha, just because you have someone's POA doesn't mean you can intercept their mail. People have a very fuzzy understanding of what a POA really is. Just because you have someone's POA doesn't mean you have absolute control of what they do. Unless one has guardianship of a person, meaning a court has found them incapable of handling their own affairs, you cannot stop them from doing whatever they want to do.

My mom would send out money to "political causes", believing that she was really helping and also thinking they were a tax write off. $4,000 later, and a lot of backing and forthing with her checkbook, writing letters and calling all of these organizations and trying to get her off their mailing list, I finally got her checkbook away from her. I've since obtained POA but because of her past generosities, we still get that kind of mail. She would have sent whomever it was that asked, sent them money if I hadn't physically taken her checkbook away. Another thing I've done is to purchase a mailbox with a lock on it. I mounted it just above the old one and put tape over the old one too. I'm the only one with a key. I did this because she would take bills and other mail and put it somewhere then I'd get Late Payment notices and everyone on MY back because I pay the bills. The locking mailbox solved that one for me. Maybe you can hide her checkbook somewhere and also hide her atm card or whatever she uses to access her money. Really though, you have to do something otherwise all that you said will happen.

I had to get a P.O. Box for my Mom. USPS was no help. They continued to allow the junk to be delivered, because they were first class letters. I sent boxes of the political and sweepstakes mailings she got. Again, The Postal Inspector was no help. My Mom sent about 1,000 checks . It was a mess. I sent boxes of things back to Publishers clearing and readers digest. She was sure she was going to get money. She cashed in an annuity because she was getting letters about the death tax, and save Social Security...blah...blah. Good luck.

If your elderly parent has dementia or Alzheimer's, it is important to protect them from scams. First with parent, let them know that a will still goes through probate, so they are giving almost everything to the state, and that you will have no access to anything for a year or more, that will be after the court, lawyers, creditors and so on have taken what he/she wants their loved one to have! Then find an estate attorney, and set up a trust for all real property, a living will and a durable power of attorney. Do discuss the terms she wants, if there are limits on the DPOA, it will be difficult to use, and you will need it to stop scammers and fraud. Put the property, bank accounts into the trust (the parent is trustee, you/siblings are successor trustee when they die. Trusts don't die, so the state is not involved. The living will explains if they want life support, and gives power to you/siblings to make medical decisions if they are unable. The durable power of attorney gives you/siblings the power to act for them while they are alive. You need this to stop fraud! If your parent is unable to understand that this is criminal, evil unregulated through mail and communications ( both federally regulated to protect you, hard to believe but true) then you need to contact the source of the fraud. Hopefully this would be with their help/approval, but if not then just get it done, and very nicely explain how you helped to protect them. Be living at all times, because they are protective of their power, they will be combative, yet have no understanding and almost no short term memory. This is compounded if they are on anti-depressants. Tell them that your patent has been diagnosed with dementia/Alzheimer's and is a victim of fraud. Call the business where fraud is happening, and tell them this is happening now through their service, and that they will be added to the police report, FTC complaint, and FBI complaint already filed. Tell them you need their fax # to send the durable power of attorney, so that you can discuss the fraudulent charges, etc. once they receive it, you can put a fraud alert on it, freeze the account, monitor all activity and close if necessary. For phones, first file the same fraud reports, local law enforcement, FTC, and FBI. Use your DPOA to dispute all fraudulent charges. Change all phone numbers and block all incoming and outgoing 1-800, 1-900, 1-976 and all international calling. If they have a service that can't, close account and find one that can. Also, it may be helpful to put all communication services in your name, where you get the bill & pay it, that way you can completely monitor it. All communications now have "open platforms" that give access to third parties ( it is a revenue stream for the communications industry). This is how they put charges on your bill and can "high jack" your computer, landline and cell phone. Also, all of these entities now have arbitration clauses that take away your rights to have fair recourse, so write and call your federal representative to let them know about the fraud and that you would like them to protect the American people from fraud by supporting the current bill to make mandatory Arbitration with account holders illegal. Dispute all fraud!! Endlessly, make a file document everything and every call, call the bank/utility every 2-3 days, ask that it be expedited, let them know they will be held accountable! Nicely of course (as threats should always be;-) your elder is no different than a 10 year old, with extra protection from the law! the businesses know this, remind them every time you call! As for the mail, get a mail box at UPS or post office, then put in a change of address for the victim using the DPOA if necessary. Pick up the mail, shred all junk, and happily drop off the real mail at their home! While there, ask them out to lunch, to join a group with you (something they enjoy), etc., like you would a 14 year old who is getting into trouble because they have too much time on their hands, and are bored! Keep your elder too busy to get in trouble!! Trust me, all they will want to do is take a nap when they get home. And, the internet can not be secured with out serious firewalls like a school library, bank, etc. has, and even they get breached regularly. It is almost impossible for you to block emails and sites that are committing crimes, because they will just keep changing the sites and emails. I highly recommend that you fill their days and evenings with "real" life, get them premium cable, set up blocks for children so they can't order junk, and have NO computer or internet. Their home will be safe now, because you built a wall and moat , which you will have to keep up and defend, because the castle is your loved ones!!!! You have to spend lots of time doing things with them, that they enjoy, that's crucial!! Be truly involved, like you would a child you loved!!!

P.S. If the post office puts anything in the mailbox once you've set up the P.O. Box (I like The UPS Store, cheaper and good hours:) then take down the mailbox!!!

P.S. If scammers, crap sellers come to your loved one's door....file a no trespass with local law enforcement, post sign with prosecution warning on property, then try and catch them... The minute they step on the property, call the cops!

And... After you have a P.O.Box...If they have a shared mailbox, like some senior living does, fill it crammed full of junk flyers, and I mean crammed!!! Then take the key, and put it in your safety deposit box with all the trust, wills, and Durable power of Attorney docs. On a different note, I had all the regular bills put on auto pay. Do be careful of putting your name on any of the accounts with your senior, because this could compromise you, and also make you personally liable for your senior's activity. Most seniors caught up in fraud, are like a ten year old, actively participating, which usually means that they are a participant in the fraud, especially if they are using the U.S. Mail. Excessive charges and default could attach your assets as well, if on the account, just like any joint tenants. Trust accounts (vehicles too, or they can have TOD's if your state allows to avoid them going through probate), with Fraud Alerts are best. The 3 Credit Reporting Agencies, Experian, Equifax, and Trans Union will do 90 day fraud alerts for free, you can put your phone contact if anyone tries to do anything (again liberally use your DPOA if necessary) longer and stronger measures have a nominal cost. And do pull the 3 agencies full report once a year to check/review all accounts!

I am experiencing a similar situation with my great aunt - which has been going on for over 3 years now. I have pulled up all the scam artists online and she then moves on to someone else. I finally got her to leave the mail on the table for me to look at and I tell her that if they are asking for money, it is a scam. I mentioned she is better off buying a weekly lottery ticket each week, but that doesn't work either. She has cognitive issues as well as financial issues with her house, so she is experiencing anxiety about the potential of losing her home. I just received a call today from a house guest she has staying with her, where she spent a long period of time on the phone with someone who told her she has won a contest and she has to pay a $300 fee to obtain her prize. She said she is going to send $100. In the meantime, she can't afford the heating bill this winter because her tenants have stopped paying the rents. I have been her caregiver for over 4 years and I am at my wits end. I haven't been able to work because of the ongoing problems. She also has lots of health problems, which is all on my shoulders. Sadly, I am at a point where I will have to request a guardian ad litem be appointed because I, frankly, need assistance. I can deal with her health issues and mental health issues, but dealing with financial issues is far beyond my scope of understanding (even though I have a legal and real estate background). It is hard to see the poor choices our loved ones make. Predators are everywhere. We are dealing with the decline of our loved ones (which is scary) and then we are dealing with predators that we cannot protect our loved ones from. I am grateful for websites such as Agingcare.com because (at least) we have a chance to express our concerns, offer help to others, ask for help . . . . and become enlightened that we are not alone.

I'd really love to brainstorm some kind of petition to help with this issue. There needs to be some way to cut this off at the pass. The post office for example can only cut off all mail, or put someone on a list of no solicitation. But on the other hand, anyone with the money to pay them can send out bulk mail randomly. That can surely be addressed. Maybe if they required a valid working phone number from anyone who submits this kind of bulk mail, and maybe more than that from anything coming from overseas. Maybe if there was a law that said, nothing that looks like a check can be included in the mail. Or maybe if there was a website that was a clearing house for this kind of junk, a hall of shame type site. If banks would get with the program, and allow people to stop checks to such scammers without charging a stop fee. If there was a way to send mail to my mom that was healthy, mail that gave her information that was simple about these kinds of scams, and a place to really report them. The FTC and the attorney general are useless. And these folks fly under the radar by asking for small amounts. If there was a way to get mom's calls to forward to me for a while .... if if if

It's no different than the robo calls one gets at dinner time, you could be on every do-no-call-list nationwide but the robo call will still get through.

You can be on every do-not-mail list nationwide, all it takes is one mail in to order something, and every vendor who is under that corporate umbrella is allowed to mail you catalogs because you gave *permission* with that one order.

My boss likes to give to charities, especially those associated with injured war vets, but now he is getting bombarded with requests from so many different vet groups, and some times he will get 3 envelops a week from the very same group, just that the address is a tad different [suite 101 compared to #101 compared to no suite number].

I've called , emailed & written to report these @#$%^&*() to everyone & I do mean EVERYONE!!!! The Postmaster General in D.C. called me as the result of my handwritten letter. He took my report as did the FTC which was a waste of time. For every one of these rip offs that do happen to be caught, there are 1,000+ more that pop up. The amounts of mail that was delivered to my mother's house EVERY day was just incredible!!! There was so much that it wouldn't fit in the mailbox & the mailman finally left a white bucket on the ground below the mailbox.
I think what scared me most was when the Postmaster General asked me if mom had taken out a reverse mortgage on her home. Luckily I told him she didn't & then he said that is next & they make it very easy for them to do & they set the entire thing up for the elderly.
Sadly I have to say that mom fell last January & broke her femur. She has been in an assisted living facility since she left the hospital. It is not a good place for her by any means but because of all the never ending mail & her throwing her money away & going without food or paying her bills, it's kind of a blessing in disguise of sorts. We have done everything under the son to stop these roaches from contacting her but they are just like German roaches - once they get in they are very hard to get rid of them & they constantly multiply by the hour. I would love to have 5 minutes alone with them but as it states in the Bible, vengeance is mine & I surely wouldn't want to be in their shoes come judgement day!!!