She has been with me for 3 months and has declined severely; she is almost an invalid, choosing to sit in her lift chair all day, even for sleeping. She has lost weight ( about 10 pounds) from not eating, and has had 2 UTIs from not drinking enough. She has become incontinent, mostly from not being able to make it to the toilet on time, so we have added a bedside commode. Unfortunately, walking to the bathroom was her only movement all day. She has no hobbies, no interests, and no friends. She doesn't want any of them. The news is on all day (you'd better not change the channel!) but she sleeps most of the time. The doctors have checked everything possible. All her blood levels (vitamins, thyroid, et cetera) have come back fine. She had her depression medicine adjusted, but it has not helped in any way. When we go to an appointment, they tell her there is no medicine to help her, she just needs to eat drink, and move. She agrees to everything and promptly comes home and won't do a thing. She tells me she is too tired, she will do it later, she just needs to rest a bit first. We now have home health coming....everything from therapies to nursing to bathing. She does pretty well with them and promises the moon and stars, but then does nothing between visits. We found a bad spot on her backside, and they have determined it is a bedsore developing. She seems worried and eager to help herself, until it is time to actually do anything. What do I do? Let her languish? I can't "make" her do anything! It is frustrating seeing her decline, almost by choice. Is it failure to thrive? A stage in her dementia? Do I need to stop worrying about it and leave her alone? All of the professionals involved in her care seem to be looking to me to ensure her compliance. In the meantime, every day is a fight to get her to even get up to go the commode. I am not able to sit with her all day to force her through all the therapies. Her new thing is that I am not reminding her to do everything she needs to do. Frustrated is not the right word. Please advise.
Hold tough and start an activity calendar on the fridge just like children. Set a goal. Remind her if she doesn't get 70% compliance within 90 days she will go into residential care.
Don't depend on paid caregivers or aides. They don't care whether patient complies or not, they get paid either way and as long as family is around it gets pushed back on you.
Sorry, but this was my experience for 9 frustrating yrs with my mom. I'm long distance so it was even worse to get mom engaged or help herself. Finally I gave up and let her hit bottom and turned her over to APS and their patience lasted less than a year before they placed mom. Now she loves memory care, eats, exercises, takes care of herself and developed new friends.
I wish the same for you.
sitting in the chair so shuffles to thr bed. isnt interested in anything may do some laundry but will chat up a storm when the nurse comes to examine or a
caregiver is in bit i think it takes so much out of him to do that he will sleep the whole next day. says he can shower himself but is lying. wont take his meds and like you the caregivers and nurse are looking to us to get dad to do the things hes supposed to even though we live 90 minutes away and work full time i feel your pain