OT says she's strong enough to pull up pants. shirt also open. She lives with us and personal habits are in decline. At doctor's office says mental state is ok. At home, food on floor, eats with hands, constant dirty hands and clothes, has excuse for all behaviors that are not safe. Should I just let her be herself or continue to redirect and cue.. When PT, OT and home health nurse are around she is perfect. Around us she does her own thing (everything the therapist have shown her how to be safe) and walks without her walker, falls, spills, messes etc,. I can't watch with eyes on her 24/7 and if I hire help how long or when do I get help? She goes to a Sr.center 2 days a week and looks good and most time they say she's cooperative. She refuses to go additional days which would be safer for her.
Recently I read a suggestion that really sounded helpful: as caregivers, to do our best to see the world from their point of view, not our own point of view. There are huge hygiene issues with my mom, and I cannot cope. Sometimes I'll think of something as simple as: bring her a small dish with warm soapy water and an nail brush, and a towel. I hold the bowl, she scrubs her nails, and rinses and dries off. It's quick and easy for her, and added bonus: no lecture from me about "go wash your hands". Thanks to all for your posts; I am desperately hopeful to see I am not alone.
I suggest two things:
1) Treat her based on your own observations. For example, gently reminder her to pull her pants up in back, or say "Here, Mom, let me help you with your pants. It is hard to reach around an get them up in the back, isn't it?" Take more control (kindly but firmly) with other problematic behaviors. In spite of what her doctor thinks, she is not mentally fine and she needs help and supervision now.
2) Take Mom to a specialist with expertise in dementia. This might be a geriatric psychiatrist or a behavioral neurologist. If there is a teaching hospital in your area there might be a specialized dementia clinic associated with it. Once you know what you are dealing with it will be easier to determine appropriate ways of dealing with it.
A woman who walks around with her butt hanging out does NOT have an OK mental state. Finding out exactly what is wrong will be useful.
If my mums doc had listened to me years ago we may have prevented her dementia I begged him to send her to see a shrink over ten years ago as her behaviour was strange even then but he knew better?
she fell and the paramedics found and reported her living in squalor, pet everywhere and warped hardwood floors from urine soaking through the carpeting. Do I need to mention the suffocating smell she had been living with? I put her in a neuropsychiatric evaluation program. The doc said dementia patients in the early stages can be in harm's way because they have forgotten how to take care of their daily living needs while, at the same time, being very good at covering up that anything's wrong. Smart like a fox is the term he used. The psychiatric PRN likened it to a child with dyslexia who learns over time how to accommodate to the disorder, thinking it's normal for them, but when the perception becomes that its not normal, they move on to camouflaging the condition.
What is your goal here? If the doctors and the therapists were to diagnose her consistent with how you already see her, would you have in home help, send her more often to daycare, or want to locate her in a facility?
I recently checked out "nanny cams" and found they have mini versions, such as a motion activated audio/video cam recorder invisibly located in a small
portable alarm clock. You can position it so it would be most likely to record your mom in a general location where she frequents (bed, favorite rocking chair, etc.), you could probably even follow her about with it unobtrusively. You can get a USB connector to download it onto your computer and burn a disc, which you could then show to outsiders who would not likely see the behavior unless you do something like this. The little setup I found was under $100. I have recommended nanny cams to others when there are family members who don't believe that an elder patients behavior is as bad as it is. Yours seems to be the perfect situation for you to record and demonstrate to others that your mom has some serious behavioral issues. Once documented, you can proceed to act in whatever way you think is appropriate.
Please keep posting.
I think you need a second opinion sounds like she dementia could be starting although I dont know about parkinsons? is this normal behaviour for them I dont know I doubt it.
My mum walks around and looks like the back of a hippo from behind as she wears her depends with no underwear?? Its so hard to see them lose thier dignity like this. Hugs to you.