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Mom had a total knee replacement yesterday, she waited until the pain was unbearable before she decided to get it. Prior to surgery she talked to family and friends about how she needed to complete rehab so that she would be able to walk again without problems. She had surgery yesterday. Today she called and said she wants me to pick her up today. Mom is 87 and her home is not conducive to rehab... I told her I couldn't pick her up because I'm at work (true).. Do we just refuse her? The nurse said she seemed to be doing fine, not making any complaints to the nurses. Is this homesickness?

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Good to hear that hard time is now behind you both. Thx for the update 😊
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So glad it all worked out for her. I think the worse thing about rehab is its not home. And with this COVID being isolated is awful for them. We love updates.
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Hello! I wanted to post an update and thank everyone for their encouragement and support. Mom completed her rehab, physically she did fantastic, emotionally we made it to the end with a lot of tears, it was difficult for her. I actually pulled her a day early since 1 lost day of therapy wouldn't have hurt in the big picture. She is getting home health now and the physical therapist says that she's in better shape now than she was three years ago when he had come in to help her get some rehab. She's a diabetic so while she was in the hospital and in rehab they did not give her any Coke, if she had stayed home she would have continued drinking 3-5 Cokes a day. She lost weight, which has enabled her to stop her blood pressure medication, and lower her insulin doses. She's had a desire to visit Yellowstone again and in her pre-surgery condition she just wasn't able to go. We may have to drive, but I'm looking forward to taking her next April. I am so happy that she doesn't have any more pain in that knee and watching her get around is like looking at a new person. Thanks again! You guys are a real Rock for me to lean on. It's been a very lonely road, so having you here is a godsend.
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She needs to go to rehab facility. Do not take her home. Unless you want to quit your job & become her full time 24/7 caregiver...& call someone every time she falls....If you are poa & Health proxy, then you can pick out a rehab place for her ...Hugs 🤗
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Great points by Beatty! Just stall her any way you can until they get her a rehab spot. Blame it on Covid 19.
Divert and stall. They’ll discharge her soon enough. Hopefully she’ll go to rehab and not fight that as well, as she will do so much better with it.
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ABSOLUTELY do not take your Mom home. Explain to her that you are very sorry, and understand her wishes to return home, but that without rehab work she could be permanently disabled and in a wheelchair. WHATEVER her reasons, they are no longer important other than that you sympathize with her wishes to return home. This is a difficult time to get this surgery, as at this age in facility rehab is almost always needed, and with Covid-19 many are afraid of such facilities. But it was needed and it was done, and it must be done right if Mom has a chance to get back on her feet. Wishing you luck.
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Yes, I like what Beatty said. Tell Mom she can't be discharged until the Dr. warrants it. Plus, rehab will probably be suggested and she needs to go to heal properly. I would say too, that at 87 the anesthesia may have effected her
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*I want to go home* If I had a dollar for everytime I heard that...

I want things the way they were. I want to be pain-free. I want my familiar things around me. I want to do what I like. I want to not be bossed around, do rehab work, eat food I don't like, sleep in a different bed, etc etc. All of the above.

Makes me want to scream I KNOW YOU DON'T LIKE IT & you want to go home but it is what it is. Just being home won't fix everything.

OK rant over.

My answer is always the same. Reach deep for empathy, then Yes I know you want to go home. The Doctor says you need (instert here: test, operation, rehab, more rehab, skilled nursing care, whatever it is). You will need to discuss what you do with the Doctor.

I learned never to be triangulated into being the middle person 'but my Mother wants...'. You want it - you make it happen. Harsh but too many in my family utter "I WANT" & expect me to change the world to make their wants, whims & wishes come true. *Magical Thinking*

If someone wants to discharge themself, get a taxi home, get into their house on their own, buys own food, pays own bills - then fine. But if not & they need my help... If I have gathered the info from the professionals & agree that home is not the best place yet, then I will state 'I do not agree, so I cannot help'.

I may listen to what they want but do what they NEED.
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Ann2710 May 2020
Thank you Beatty.. Taking that deep breath..
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If she goes home there will be PT. What do you mean her home is not conducive to therapy? It's the perfect place. In her own home with help from her friends and family or hire aides. Stairs...adapt. Adapt to the situation is what she will do at home. No one wants to stay in there especially since the longer she stays the more chances of her getting a nosocomial infection...I wouldn't be calling you, I would hire a taxi but it would be nice if you didn't lie to her and just was truthful. She will heal faster as well
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HelloImMinsu May 2020
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She does make a good point, Many facilities outside of when a patient is doing rehab, stay in their rooms and watch tv, unless a group activity is planned and the patient wants to partcipate. They usually have the facility physician or more often then not, his or her NP come daily to check on them (and bill insurance)
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Don't let her come home (especially if leaving against medical advice - AMA) under any circumstances until she has completed the rehab recommended. I went through this twice with my mother who hated hospitals and skilled nursing facilities and wanted to come home regardless of whether she was able to care for herself. The first time she came home too early after an emergency colonoscopy almost killed her, she was unable to get up and navigate to her chair side commode and I spent 3 weeks struggling to get her into adult diapers while she was stuck in a chair. I finally told her she had to go back to rehab and couldn't come home until she could get up and pivot to her commode. After another 3 1/2 weeks back in rehab she did just that.

The second time she insisted on coming home was 18 months ago after a bout with cellulitis in her leg left her unable to get up again and pivot to her commode. I was sick and tired of getting calls and texts about how awful the food was, how she was starving, how they weren't doing any physical therapy and she might as well sit in her chair all day at home that I let her wear me down and come home. It was the biggest mistake I ever made with her care. I somehow managed to get her in my car and my son got her in the wheelchair and she never stood again. She spent the next two months urinating on pads in her chair because she couldn't get up and refused to even consider going back to the hospital, which of course eventually had to happen. The last 8 months was a merry-go-round of hospitalizations and rehab visits alternating with time at home in between where she laid in a wet bed most of the day while I was at work because she refused to allow her adult grandson (my son) to change her nor would she hire anyone to help. The last time they told me they were releasing her back to the house I told her she could not come home without a catheter. The hospital balked but I held firm and they did it. She died 3 months later, having spent the last year of her life chair/bedridden. Had I made her stay in rehab as long as they would keep her that first time 18 months ago, her last year might not have been so awful.

Letting her come home before she is ready to resume an able life can have a long term cascading effect and I would simply tell her no.
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Ann2710 May 2020
thank you TexAngel,

We are going to encourage her to stay, she isn't saying anything to the nurse about going home. So if we can get some more time in the hospital setting with rehab and medical oversight, that will be better for her.
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